Guys don’t deal with things the same way that women do. Whereas we would want to immediately discuss our feelings, vent about our day at work, etc. our partner will often be quiet.
It seems like he’s pulling away even when he says he needs space. Men have a very similar reaction to deciding that the relationship is over and needing some personal time to get their thoughts in order, problem-solve or simply relax.
- 1 How Do I Tell If He Needs Space Or If It’s Over?
- 1.1 1. Does He Still Communicate With You?
- 1.2 2. Has He Completely Pulled Away From The Relationship?
- 1.3 3. What Does He Do When He’s Not With You?
- 1.4 4. Can You Guys Make Future Plans?
- 1.5 5. Consider How Much Time You Spend Together
- 1.6 6. Is He Needing Space Because You’re Moving Too Fast?
- 1.7 7. Is The Relationship Healthy?
- 1.8 8. Pay Attention To Body Language
- 1.9 9. Let Him Know The Way That You Feel
- 1.10 10. He Says He Needs A Break
- 1.11 11. Are The Two Of You Compatible?
- 2 FAQs
- 3 In Conclusion
How Do I Tell If He Needs Space Or If It’s Over?
It can be difficult to tell whether he needs some space and you should leave him be, or if the relationship is over in his mind. However, there are a few key things to look for to help you decipher his actions.
1. Does He Still Communicate With You?
Men are not the best at communication, so even those little “wyd” or “I miss you” text messages mean something. When a man needs alone time, he’ll still want to feel connected to you. If the relationship is almost over, he won’t make an effort to talk to you as often.
2. Has He Completely Pulled Away From The Relationship?
Does he still want to spend time with you? Has he planned any dates lately? If he’s not communicating with you and shows little or no interest in spending time together, it’s time to ask him what’s going on. He might have a problem with the relationship, and you two need to clear the air.
3. What Does He Do When He’s Not With You?
If he’s seeing someone else, there’s a pretty good chance that the relationship is over. On the other hand, if he’s picked up a fun new hobby or is just watching a new binge-worthy television show, he probably just needs a little more space. Men need time alone to decompress at times.
4. Can You Guys Make Future Plans?
When a guy sees future plans with you, it means that he sees a future with you. If you're skeptical about whether your relationship is already over for him, ask him about a vacation a year from now. If he’s hesitant to book a plane ticket in advance, even though he’s had no problem with it before, that’s not a good sign. If he does it without hesitation, he wants space.
5. Consider How Much Time You Spend Together
If you spend every hour of every day together, it can be too much. We all need things to do on our own. In fact, having friends, interests, and hobbies outside of your relationship is considered one of the signs of a healthy relationship.
Not only is this considered healthy, it’s necessary for some people. Some people require a bit more alone time than others do. If your guy is introverted and you’re a bit more extroverted, they might need a bit more time to recharge than you realize. Give them their alone time for now and see if things turn around if you’re spending a lot of time with each other.
6. Is He Needing Space Because You’re Moving Too Fast?
Sometimes, women tend to get more involved with their feelings quicker than men do. This can be scary for men! Instead of texting more when you feel him pull away, step back a little bit. Giving him the space that he seems to need will give him a chance to catch up with you in terms of the relationship. Then, you’ll both be on the same page.
7. Is The Relationship Healthy?
Put some serious thought into how healthy the relationship is. Think about the amount of time that the two of you spend together. Consider how often you two are fighting.
Is one person lacking in the self-care department because they are not happy? Has the relationship consumed your entire life? Although these are not always abusive, they are still unhealthy. When one person is bearing the brunt end of the unhealthy aspects, they will start asking for space because it’s too much to handle.
If this is the problem, it needs to be fixed or you’re headed for a breakup in the long run. After giving him some much-needed space, tell him that you want to talk. Then, have a heart-to-heart to work things out. Make the changes necessary for each other.
8. Pay Attention To Body Language
Watching him for body language clues that a breakup is on the horizon can instantly help you determine what is going on. Men that are done with a woman often display closed body language. If it’s not closed, it could appear defensive. You’ll rarely see him with open body language if he is no longer interested in you.
9. Let Him Know The Way That You Feel
One of the best ways to figure out what’s going on with your man is to ask him. Although I am a woman, I do need more space than men do at times. I get overworked. I do everything for the kids. I just need some downtime. So, when I told a previous boyfriend that I needed a little me time, he interpreted this distance as a cue that our relationship was headed downhill.
Instead of crying, or screaming, or getting lost in agonizing hypothetical situations, he just asked me what was going on. Was there something wrong? He told me he was scared we were going to break up. It was the best way to deal with the situation. Once I explained it to him, he gave me more time to myself throughout the relationship, and things were good as far as that situation went.
If you want to make sure that you’re not headed for a breakup, try asking him. He might open up about situations at work or other problems that he’s trying to figure out!
10. He Says He Needs A Break
If this is the case, it’s a breakup. Sometimes, men need time for self-discovery or realize that they are not ready for a significant other. This might not be anything personal. It can be a tough pill to swallow when you’re head over heels in love with someone, but remember that sometimes relationships take a couple of tries. Make sure to discuss whether the break is temporary, though!
11. Are The Two Of You Compatible?
It might seem like strong feelings instantly equals compatibility, but they do not. Instead, there are quite a few situationships that develop from people having chemistry, but little else. If you two had an instant connection, you both might have rushed things a bit.
Then, you got into a groove, felt more comfortable with each other and the flame wasn’t burning as bright. Now, it’s caused one of your two to really consider whether you would like to move forward. In this situation, a conversation about where the relationship is going will tell you why he needs some more time for himself now.
There’s a good chance that he will! Guys usually need some extra time so that they can figure out their feelings. Giving him space is not the same as pushing him away. It’s letting him take some time to see how wonderful you are! (This does not apply to messy breakups.)
When a man needs time alone, he will get cranky. The two of you will argue more often. He might seem withdrawn, no longer do things he used to, or simply be silent. If he’s acting like this, pick up a new hobby and watch him slowly come around.
If they like you, they do. To give a man the chance to miss you, be busy, but not too busy for him. Don’t blow him off. Instead, pick up a new hobby, focus a little on yourself, and genuinely be a little bit unavailable. He’ll start to text you first more often because he misses you!
No, you should not. If he wants space, it means that he does not want nonstop text messages, phone calls, video chats, and tags in social media. Instead, focus on yourself or other things in the time being. He will send you a message or phone call when he’s ready.
Don’t chase after him. Don’t constantly text or call him first. Instead, let him do the chasing. Go out with friends, have a personal spa day, and anything else that you normally do. When you’re doing that, don’t be glued to your phone. Occasional texts and calls are better.
If he shows signs that the relationship is over, such as cheating, little or no communication, or stating he wants a break, you can usually bet that it’s headed towards a breakup. Other times, it probably isn’t. How do you think you can tell what a man wants when he seems distant?
As hopeless romantic I struggled tremendously in my love life. After many years of searching, trial & error, and countless failed relationships, I finally found my Mr. Right. It wasn't an easy road, but one that has taught me an incredible amount about the workings of relationships between men and women, and this is what I hope to share through my writing on this blog.