Talking with family about your relationship problems is something many people do to ease their burdens. However, it could either break or make your relationship depending on how you go about it.
Most people who are in relationships like to keep their loved ones in the loop. They want to express their feelings, whether it’s positive or negative. This is either because they’re excited about the person or they’re hurt. This is totally fine. Discussing any relationship issue with friends or family can help strengthen your relationship with them and your partner.
At the same time, it has its cons and if you don’t handle them properly, they could cause serious setbacks. Depending on the kind of partner you have, if the information is confidential, it’s always better you discuss it with them first or seek their permission before you let it out.
You may be wondering what to consider when talking to your family about your relationship and how to make it work. Keep reading to get 7 tips on how to do this.
- 1 7 Things To Consider When Discussing Relationship Problems With Family
- 2 FAQs
- 3 The Bottomline
7 Things To Consider When Discussing Relationship Problems With Family
1. Your partner’s trust
Many people don’t think about their partner’s feelings before acting. If your relationship issue or problem is more about him (whether he is your husband or boyfriend), you may want to rethink it before sharing it with someone else. Many times, especially in marriage, you may be the only shoulder they can cry on. That is trust and it wouldn’t be fair if you betray it.
Most men take time to trust their loved ones, especially on letting out certain information. Sometimes, they just want to avoid the unnecessary display of emotions or things they can’t handle. Imagine a man trying to fight a certain disease but he doesn’t want to let his friends or family in yet and you do it without having logical reasons.
You may partially or completely lose his trust or as the situation may be. He should be comfortable with sharing the information with other people before you do.
2. The type of relationship issue
Sometimes, a relationship issue happens for you to learn. Other times, they come as an experience to make you bond more with your partner. Relationship guides say certain things should not be told to friends or family, especially when you know they can’t really be of help.
Maybe you should try talking to your partner first. But you can share with family if it’s very complicated like domestic violence or abuse.
When talking about your relationship with friends and family, it’s necessary to analyze the type of problem you’re discussing with them. Is it what they can help you sort out? Is it what you need to get professional help for? Does it have to do with finances? Ask yourself these questions and more if possible before you proceed.
If it’s something minor; like him failing to flush the toilet after use, not complimenting your dress, or forgetting to be appreciative of something good you did, you could handle it together amicably without involving a third party.
3. Responses and advice
The responses and advice you expect may not be the same as the ones you get. Most times, your close circle of friends or family could be more on your side. When you are telling them about your marriage and you put your husband on the negative side, they could begin to have a bad picture of him. Because they’ve only heard your side of the story, they may blame your partner for it and in some cases, use abusive words.
So their advice to you may not be as neutral as it should be, not because they mean to be bad, but because they love you enough to believe and support anything that makes you happy. Even when you mention your faults as well in the experience, it’s typical of friends to assume your partner should have done better to remedy the problem you’re both having.
Which is totally understandable. Well, this may sound good initially until it starts bringing negative changes to your relationship.
4. Your strength as an individual
Family is a great support system for some people. They’ll make sure to be there for you whenever you need help. But always opening up to them may bring your strength level down and they may begin to perceive it. What this means is that the less you say, the more you become better at handling certain things by yourself (or sorting them out with your partner alone).
At a point, you may no longer be able to handle some challenges. You may become weaker as some things would be hard for you to withstand. When this happens, the people you usually talk to might disappoint you. Everything gets worse and if care is not taken, you could fall into depression. Don’t forget challenges happen to test your ability to handle things. Always remind yourself of this.
5. Your loved ones’ mental state
Everyonehas one issue they are dealing with. Before discussing your relationship issues with any relative, try to find out if they’re in the right mental stage for it as well. Most times, your friends or family could also be going through issues. They could be having one of those couple fights with their partner as well. And their current mental state could add to the kind of advice they give to you.
So, before you pour out your anger about your husband or marriage fights to them, ask them how they are doing. If you can, take them out for a drink or to eat out to ease the atmosphere for a proper discussion. You could give them some time to also talk about their life or their marriage experience if need be.
This not only helps to make the conversation easier, but it also portrays you as a good listener and not a nag. When it looks like everything is fine, ask if they can listen and advise you about your partner or marriage.
6. It may affect your bond
As said earlier, sharing your relationship downs with relatives eases you off some stress and helps solve some marriage setbacks. But when it becomes too frequent, it may weaken your bond with your partner. It waters down the quality of moments you both share together. Before you talk to anyone about your relationship problems you should talk to your partner first, if not you could face unbearable changes.
They may solve it for you but as long as you don’t talk to your partner about it, it persists. So let him know the things you don’t like, why you don’t like them, and how you both can fix them together. It’s better for him to hear it from you than another person.
If you feel it’s beyond your control, you can then talk to a friend or family member or seek professional help depending on the problem. That way, you both maintain your bond together as a couple and still solve the problem with little stress.
7. Time and place of discussion
As you please, you could choose to talk about your marriage experience with a few loved ones in your close circle. It is not something you share with anybody. Some things are tagged as private for a reason.
For example, it may not be appropriate to discuss your sex life with a family member at a family reunion or a random occasion, or just pop in to their offices when they’re trying to beat a deadline for a particular work.
Also, it’s not the right time to talk about things like that when they’re trying to celebrate a recent good happening like a new promotion at work, birthday or wedding anniversary, or even Christmas. Because like it or not, there is certain news that neutralizes happy moods and you may not want that to happen because of you.
So, observe and look out for when they’re in the right position or place to listen to you. Try to balance it out. Remember, it’s not just about you here.
It depends on you as a couple, the kind of problems you both are having, and the situation you find yourselves in. If it’s something you can get general help for, it’s okay to share but if it’s something that
Sometimes, people’s views about you or your relationship depend on how well and often you talk about it. A few times you either gain or lose respect from what you say to other people. It’s good to vent once in a while but try not to make it a frequent thing to avoid being predictable.
There’s really no such thing as someone else ruining a relationship. Well, if a family ruins a relationship, it’s because the couple involved sort of allowed it to happen. The success of a relationship depends on the two individuals involved, how well they can manage it, and how open they are to third parties.
You may not know the origin of the relationship problems they are having so you may not really have solutions to them. It’s better to be as neutral as possible when talking. Analyze the situation from different perspectives and give them a chance to explore different possible options.
It’s always necessary to create a good and comfortable relationship with your partner. So it’s fine if you let him in on most things especially if you feel the need to open up and be clear. But sometimes, not telling him everything could also help make or strengthen your relationship.
It’s okay to vent to your loved ones whenever you feel the need to do so but remember you can sort some things out with your partner. Read these tips again and try to apply them whenever you feel stuck. Liked this article? Feel free to share it and drop a comment.
As hopeless romantic I struggled tremendously in my love life. After many years of searching, trial & error, and countless failed relationships, I finally found my Mr. Right. It wasn't an easy road, but one that has taught me an incredible amount about the workings of relationships between men and women, and this is what I hope to share through my writing on this blog.