Did My Ex Ever Love Me? (11 Ways To Know If It Was Real)

Love is quite a strong emotion, but it’s also a choice. While many people focus on just the euphoric feeling it gives those lucky enough to experience it, a breakup could easily ‘clear the scales from our eyes.’ 

The truth is, when you have strong feelings for someone, it’s easy to dismiss the early warning signs that show he wasn’t as in love as you thought. 

So if that’s how you’re feeling right now, it’s totally relatable. During and after a relationship, it’s normal if you want to get closure on the relationship, or at least rule out the chances of getting back together. So we ask, “did he ever love me?” or “If that wasn’t love, then what was it

Keep reading, I’ll be answering some of those pressing questions below. 

11 Ways To Tell If Your Ex Ever Truly Loved You

1. Who made most of the effort?

Every relationship requires effort, whether it’s professional, casual, platonic, or romantic. So when someone says they love you, it should certainly show in how much effort they put in, right up till the breakup. You can start by asking yourself a simple question, “how much effort did your ex put into making things work? 

Were you the person carrying the relationship on your shoulders? Do you feel the love was one-sided most of the time? Also, did you have to always remind him of important dates, gift-giving, or even hangouts? If the answers are yes, then you obviously put in more effort than he did, which means he wasn’t truly as invested as you were. 

2. Did you feel emotionally fulfilled?

did you feel emotionally fulfilled

Sometimes, after a breakup, both parties feel like they put in everything, and exhausted all options before calling it quits. Sometimes, it even makes it easier to move on, knowing you were with someone who tried in every way to make you happy, but maybe because of incompatibility, long-distance, or other reasons, both of you couldn’t make it work.

Is this how you feel? Do you think that ‘both of you’ put in all you could to love, protect, and support each other? If not, then who contributed less to make the other party feel loved? It’s important to consider this objectively and don’t be self-righteous. 

Think about what he did and try to remember if you felt really loved and protected or love-deprived, lonely, and under-appreciated. 

3. ‘What’ was he attracted to?

Here’s another million-dollar question; what exactly was your ex attracted to? The science of attraction explains why people are attracted to the opposite sex. Sometimes, all a guy needs to be attracted to a girl is her physical qualities; how she looks. But as time goes on, those feelings should also spread to her personality, skills, ethics, morals, and values. 

However, if throughout the relationship, this guy just focused on how beautiful, endowed, or ‘flexible’ you are, then he only liked one aspect of you. For any relationship to work, feelings must extend past the physical, there has to be an emotional and connection as well. When that’s absent, it could mean your ex never truly loved YOU.

4. Did he ever say those magical words?

Did your ex ever say ‘I love you’ out loud, and even when he said it, did he sound like he meant it? There’s an emotion and sincerity when a guy really loves you, so it’s important that you at least believed these words were true if he ever said them. 

Your ex might have avoided those words on purpose, he’s either the type of person that is not that expressive or someone who avoids saying things he doesn’t mean. Either way, if your ex truly loved you, that word would have slipped out once or twice; unconsciously or purposefully.  

5. Did it show in his eyes?

This point is an extension of the previous one, and it’s really important, especially if you’re trying to get your ex back. If you still love your ex, it’s essential to remember how he showed emotion or expressed himself. One way to read true emotion is through the eyes, it’s one of the best ways to see if a person is lying, scheming, or being sincere.

When your ex professed love to you, gave you a gift, or appreciated you, you probably got a chance to look at his eyes. What did they say? Did he seem sincere or did you get that off feeling that he was just uttering rehearsed lines? Your instincts also come into play here, even though your head tells you this guy was truly in love with you, what does your heart say?

6. Did he make sacrifices for you?

did he make sacrifices for you

A relationship without sacrifices or compromise is unhealthy, toxic, and dangerous. There has to be a middle ground where both parties try their best to fulfill the needs or wishes of their loved ones. If you and your ex both did this, then he probably loved you.

So try and think back, have there been moments when your ex went out of his way to help you, save the relationship, or even make you happy? Or do you remember your ex as being selfish?

It’s even possible that if someone else asked for his help, he would happily lend a hand, but when it came to you, that was a struggle

7. Does it seem like he wants you back?

Does your ex want you back? Is he making moves to at least establish a connection with you, even if it’s a friendly one? If your ex truly loved you, it wouldn’t be so hard for him to let go of you. Regardless of how final the break-up was or is, he would want to know that you’re okay and doing well. 

However, an ex that never loved you would care less, especially if it was their plan to move in and out of your life as fast as possible. 

8. Did he break up with you?

So, this may seem irrelevant, especially if you’re the one who broke up with him, or if the split was mutual. However, it’s important to know if he was the one who initiated the breakup or even skillfully influenced your decision to end things. If your ex truly loved you, you would know by the timing or the reason for the breakup.

If it was a flimsy, nonsensical, unrealistic, or unsubstantial reason to break up, then maybe there’s another reason he didn’t want to stick around. Did he try to make the relationship work or persuade you to stick with him, or was it all too easy for him to part ways? Your answer will tell you what you need to know. 

9. How fast did he move on?

Another factor to consider is how fast your ex-partner moved on. Usually, it takes ex-lovers some time to process a new life without their significant others. But it won’t take a guy who wasn’t that emotionally invested to move on to someone else. Have you already heard rumors that he’s dating another lady? Does it all seem way too convenient? Maybe it is. 

10. Did he ever talk about a future with you?

Most serious couples that are in love talk about ‘their tomorrow.’ The conversation just flows because they see themselves loving, supporting, living, and maybe even committing to each other for the long haul. If your ex never brought up the future or avoided talking about ‘what might be’, then that shows he never planned to stay that long anyway. 

11. How long did you date?

how long did you date

Why does this question matter? Well, because ‘playboys’ never really stick around for the long haul. Neither do guys who are just dating to have company and sow their royal oats. In this case, if the relationship was short-lived, you may have been dating one. 


How do you know if your ex is still in love with you?

Some exes are too proud to admit they still have feelings for someone they used to date, but you can tell from their behavior and body language if that’s true. If he still reminisces about things that happened in the relationship, keeps tabs on you, still tries to reach out or tell you about his life, he’s probably not over you. 

Can an ex fall back in love with you?

Yes, it’s very possible for an ex to fall in love with you again. For the simple reason that he once shared his love, body, dreams, and interests with you, it would be hard to sever that connection. Both of you may have been apart for a while, but once conversation or physical contact is renewed, it’s possible for two people who were in love to get back together. 

How do you know when your ex is truly done with you?

If your ex-boyfriend abruptly stops communicating, blocks you on social media platforms, moves on with someone new, and refuses to meet or talk to you, then they have truly moved on. 

Does absence make the heart grow fonder with an ex?

After a breakup, it’s easy for both parties to feel appalled, hurt, or even broken. However, if one person decides not to contact the other, it does make the other party long for that long-lost communication or contact. So yes, in many cases, absence does make the heart grow fonder, especially when one or both parties still have feelings for each other.

How do I know if my breakup is final?

While you can never know for sure if the relationship is over for good, when the other person acts fed up, exhausted, nonchalant, and completely determined not to get back together, it’s possible that the breakup is final.  

To Conclude

Remember, it’s okay if you discover that all these signs actually pertain to you. You can choose to love someone, but you can never force them to return those feelings. If you do discover that he never really loved you, then it’s better not to nurse feelings of getting back together with this guy. But if you feel like he still loves you, this may be your chance to get your ex back. If this list was helpful, kindly leave a comment below and share this with friends. 

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