Falling in love with your friend's ex is not a crime. We can't choose who we fall in love with, but dating your friend’s ex is a very tricky situation. Because in most cases, your best friend might not see it from the aspect that you love this person; instead she feels betrayed, mostly if there was an intense fling between them and she still has feelings for him.
The majority of people believe dating a friend’s ex is wrong and disrespectful. You hear them saying, ‘’I can never date a friend ex-boyfriend’’. However, such people would never want to have anything to do with any friend, who dates their ex because they think it is a rule, and you must keep it.
And before you throw stones, don't forget you are dating someone else too in your new relationship, and you don't expect him not to have previous relationships.
But we can't predict the future, and you might end up dating your friend’s ex. Because your friend had a history with the man you love, doesn't mean you should give your partner up. You deserve to be happy, and at the same time, you can't rob the fact that you are dating her ex-boyfriend on her face.
That being said, I will show you 9 rules for dating your friend's ex.
- 0.1 9 Rules For Dating Your Friend's Ex.
- 0.1.1 1. Ask your friend about it first
- 0.1.2 2. Be ready to lose friends
- 0.1.3 3. If your friend doesn't give you permission, don't go through with it
- 0.1.4 4. Be ready for a backlash
- 0.1.5 5. Don't be in her face
- 0.1.6 6. Keep your friends secret
- 0.1.7 7. It's a red flag if your friend still has feelings for him
- 0.1.8 8. Respect boundaries
- 0.1.9 9. Be sure of your feelings
- 0.2 FAQs
- 0.3 Conclusion
9 Rules For Dating Your Friend's Ex.
1. Ask your friend about it first
Some friends may be cool with it and not even care, while some may still be struggling from the breakup and have not recovered. Maybe she is still hoping to get back with him even if they ended the relationship peacefully and concluded that they are not meant for each other.
Also, your friend can still be going through some severe emotional issues, so you should be there with her to support her. Instead of moving on with her ex like you've been waiting for them to split. So, make sure you have a conversation with your friend before you go on dating her ex. And if your friend hasn't moved on, you shouldn't jump into dating her ex ASAP.
2. Be ready to lose friends
Your friend may allow you to date her ex, she probably doesn't like him anymore, and there is no feeling or attachment whatsoever. Yet she can't be friends with her ex's girlfriend or she can no longer trust you enough to keep being friends with you.
So, if you want to date your friend ex, be ready to lose your friendship. It never feels good to see your ex with another woman whether you are over him or not, talk more of when your friend, and I think this is only normal; it takes a strong-hearted person to be friends with you still.
Also, be sure that going into that relationship is worth you losing your friends. It would be best if you thought about your decision thoroughly before taking such a step.
3. If your friend doesn't give you permission, don't go through with it
When you have a conversation with your friend about dating her ex, and she doesn't give her consent, please don't go ahead with it. Respect her choice, and find someone else except you are ready to risk your relationship with her. Maybe you really love the guy, and you do not mind losing your friendship—if that's the case, go ahead with it.
But for your friend to tell you she is not okay with you dating her ex, she really isn't because they will lie not to look pathetic in most cases. That's why even if she gives her permission, you still have to tread with caution.
4. Be ready for a backlash
Your friend, the other girls in the group, and even the general public will come at you. It's against the girl code, and it's like a social evil when you decide to be with the man your friend has dated.
They will never understand your intention or motive; they may even do things to sabotage your relationship because they feel you had always had a thing for the guy even when he was still with your friend.
Having to date your friend's ex can be a very complicated situation, and your girl group can lose trust in you entirely because you broke the rules. It's even worse If you and your friend were close. If you are not strong enough for the backlash, then don't go through with dating him because it can be mentally draining.
5. Don't be in her face
If your friend has agreed that you can date her ex, or you just went ahead to do it with or without her permission, don't be in her face with it, and don't start telling her about him all the time. It's not nice to also do any public display of affection in front of her.
Sometimes, even if a person has gotten over another, she may not be able to stand being around him. Worse yet, watching the two of you all loved up, she may have some resentment towards him so take your love show somewhere else. And do not compare yourself to your friend when talking to your man; there is no trophy to be won.
6. Keep your friends secret
Do not gossip about her to him or vice versa. Your friend will be withdrawn in telling you her secret because she believes everything she tells you will get to him. No matter how much you love discussing with your new man, don't make your friend the center of your discussions—endeavor to resist the urge to belittle her or disgustingly talk about her to him.
Also, don't tell your friend about your sex life with your boyfriend, or how great life is for both of you. You do not have to tell her the troubles either, keep the details of your relationship to yourself or put it in a diary because this can be breaking your friendship.
7. It's a red flag if your friend still has feelings for him
Put yourself in your friends' shoes, how will you feel seeing your friend in the arms of a man you once loved and still love. How will that make you feel? Going ahead with that relationship is a bad idea, trust me. If she has feelings for him, it means she has not moved on, which can cause tension in your friendship and relationship and you don't want to be in that situation.
What if she tries to seduce him? I mean these people once loved each other and have shared an intimate relationship, and if she has not moved on, she could want to make it look like a competition. What an awkward situation that nobody likes to deal with. So, if you can avoid your own feelings and let them die, it's best for such a situation.
8. Respect boundaries
Allow your friend and your new boyfriend to decide how much of each other they want to see, so if they don't want to see each other respect that and don't force them to relate with each other.
If they've decided not to speak to each other again, allow them and don't go about trying to convince each of them on why they should be friends. Don't push them into each other's warmth and regret it later. Your boyfriend and your friend must not be friends, so don't force them to be.
9. Be sure of your feelings
Are you sure you are really in love with this guy? Do you really want to dive right into this? Or could this be mere infatuation? Do you want to be with him? It would be best if you asked yourself these questions.
Don't just rush to tell your friend about it when you are not even sure if what exactly you want from him. Take some time and think things through very well before you make a move, be sure it's not out of pent-up jealousy or loneliness. Be honest with yourself about your feelings and decide how you are going to go about it.
Firstly, you may end up losing your friend and her ex, and your best friend might feel you broke her friendship and may not want to have anything to do with you. At the same time, relationships can't be predicted so he could break up with you at any point.
Make sure you are not just infatuating first. It may seem like you have a connection with him or some butterflies in your belly, but that doesn't mean you like him. When you realize your feelings for them are real, you must ask yourself if they like you too until you get this fact right, it is better you don't show your feelings.
You must do this face to face, don't just say it bluntly in the middle of any conversation. Rather, plan on taking her out where the both of you can sit and talk about it, and make sure you don't start with you love him, rather know if she still has feelings for him.
This depends on your friend. Personally, I don't think it is ok talking to her ex, because if she finds out, she might feel, you are not protecting her territory. And when your friend feels such a way, she might feel vulnerable around you, so make sure she's ok with it first.
Yes, this is possible. However, it depends on the reason they broke up. If they were in a healthy and stable relationship and had a good reason for breaking up, then there is every possibility they can come back together.
I hope you found this article helpful. If you are ever going to date a friend’s ex, make sure you let them know and do it in a way you don't get to hurt anyone in the process. Let me know what you think, and please don't forget to share this article with others.
As hopeless romantic I struggled tremendously in my love life. After many years of searching, trial & error, and countless failed relationships, I finally found my Mr. Right. It wasn't an easy road, but one that has taught me an incredible amount about the workings of relationships between men and women, and this is what I hope to share through my writing on this blog.