Imagine one day you decided to re-enter the dating scene. So, you take the first step and create a profile on a dating site. I mean, it’s the 21st Century and online dating is the latest trend.
Once your profile has been created, a guy hits you up immediately. Upon first glance, the guy is fine and looks good. What’s more, you think a date with him is a good idea. So, you connect with him and discover that he is great at texting. All in all, he seems like a hopeless romantic.
So, on the day of the big date, there’s a knock. When you open the door, it takes a few seconds to register that you need to look down. It’s the same cute guy but in a wheelchair. Now, you are conflicted. You are excited about meeting him on this first date but you didn’t realize that he is a wheelchair user though. This is because he left this information out on his profile.
You mean well, and the chemistry is there, but it would be unfair to write him off after a first date. You know he will make a great partner but you’re unsure what to expect. If you’ve found yourself in this situation, this article is for you. Dating a guy in a wheelchair is not bad. It comes with some unexpected perks.
So, here are some tips to consider when dating someone in a wheelchair.
- 1 13 Tips To Consider When Dating Someone In A Wheelchair
- 1.1 1. Your readiness
- 1.2 2. Empathy
- 1.3 3. Education
- 1.4 4. Creativity
- 1.5 5. Honesty
- 1.6 6. Communication
- 1.7 7. Support
- 1.8 8. Dealing with unnecessary attention from people
- 1.9 9. Compassion
- 1.10 10. He is more than his disability
- 1.11 11. Challenges
- 1.12 12. The sex issue
- 1.13 13. Overprotective family and friends
- 2 FAQs
- 3 To Summarize
13 Tips To Consider When Dating Someone In A Wheelchair
1. Your readiness
There is absolutely nothing wrong with dating someone in a wheelchair. However, there are a lot of adjustments you need to make. This is unlike dating someone without disabilities. So, before you start dating someone in a wheelchair. Ask yourself if you are ready for the responsibilities that come with it.
If you do not want to date someone in a wheelchair, that is perfectly fine. I say this because you are being honest with yourself. You know your capabilities.
However, if you have asked yourself if you can handle being in a relationship with a guy in a wheelchair, and your honest answer is yes, then you should psych yourself mentally for whatever may come. It might be a challenge but will likely turn out to be one of the best relationships you had yet.
Another tip to consider when in a union with someone in a wheelchair is empathy. In almost every situation, you are going to have to imagine yourself in your partner’s situation. Your guy is more than a chair and you should always remember that. The wheelchair is just a means of transport for him.
For instance, you are at a party with your disabled partner. And for some reason, you realize that your partner is not enjoying himself. Nobody is talking to him. You then have to introduce him to others or try to engage him. And if that fails, ditch the party altogether. If they cannot accept your man, you have no business being there.
One wrong assumption about people with disabilities is that they can’t do things for themselves. However, as the partner of a disabled person, you’ll soon discover that they can do almost everything themselves. They usually do not like being pitied.
And sometimes, they don’t enjoy the fact that they have to ask for help. Most will only ask for help if they can’t perform day-to-day tasks as a result of their disabilities. So, it is always better to ask if your partner can do something before you lend out a helping hand.
Another thing to consider is creativity. This is because not all of your date ideas can be at places that are wheelchair accessible or wheelchair friendly. No doubt, most areas are not always accommodating.
However, you can always go to amusement parks, where you sometimes get to skip queues. Also, you can have outdoor picnics and enjoy each other’s company. You can also engage in physical activities that are suited for him. It is only a matter of communication.
All relationships require honesty. Even more so, dating someone in a wheelchair will require a lot of transparency from both sides. And I do not think that is a bad thing at all. Honesty is a good virtue. So, before you start dating a disabled person, you are going to have to be honest with yourself about whether you can accept your guy as he is in a wheelchair.
This is because you might have many responsibilities, and sometimes will have to deal with how strangers might treat him like a little kid. He might also be stared at a lot. Worse yet, people might assume that you are dating your boyfriend out of pity, etc. And this can be a lot to deal with.
Communication is an essential part of all healthy social relationships. Thus, if you are dating a disabled guy, you have to communicate more. What would he like? How would he want his wheelchair placed? What can you do to help in any situation? All these questions are so that your guy would not feel uncomfortable around you.
Your boyfriend would need a lot of support from you as do most wheelchair users. This may not always be physical. Let us consider an example, you go grocery shopping with him, and he happens to be carrying the groceries. Some people might judge you for that and assume that you're a bad person for that.
But you have been with him for a while. You know how he loves to carry the groceries. Your reply can go a long way to show your support. If you are a people pleaser, and you do what people say at the expense of your partner’s love for carrying the groceries, you can be labeled as unsupportive per this context.
8. Dealing with unnecessary attention from people
Everyone loves a reasonable bit of attention. But when it becomes too much, it can get uncomfortable. This is what happens when you date someone in a wheelchair. Catching people staring all the time can be exasperating sometimes. But that is what is included in the dating package of a physically challenged person.
To date a disabled guy, you need to have a lot of compassion and patience. This is because things can get frustrating sometimes. But you need to focus on the most important thing. Your guy is not just a body. He may be disabled but this doesn’t mean he lacks a personality.
You must do things for him, not out of pity, but compassion. You should know the difference. Doing things out of compassion boils down to your love for him. Pity, on the other hand, involves doing things for your guy because you feel sorry for him. And that is unhealthy.
10. He is more than his disability
Your guy is more than his physical disability. So, unless one of your standards is not to date a guy in a wheelchair for whatever reason, try to get to know him as a friend. And once the chemistry is there, you will find out that his disability is just one of his flaws.
We all have flaws. Some are more pronounced than others. Some are physical, some are emotional. Some are great, some are small. The fact that his flaw seems pronounced on his body does not mean he is not a great or fun guy to date. Him being in a chair should not push you away.
On the plus side, wheelchairs make great seats. And there are many ways you can have fun with each other.
Dating someone in a wheelchair comes with a lot of challenges. For instance, his chair may get stuck in a door frame once in a while. He might also need help reaching some places and dealing with stereotypical comments from people. You may get to deal with all these. But how you deal with these proves your strength of character.
To be fair, every romantic union comes with its fair share of challenges. But, because your man is disabled, it might be different as compared to a guy who is not in a wheelchair. But once you get the hang of it, you are good to go.
12. The sex issue
Many wheelchair users can have an amazing and healthy sex life. It is wrong for you to assume they can’t have sex because they are sitting in a wheelchair. So, you need to make a conscious decision to explore your partner's body. Find out his erogenous zones, so that you can have good foreplay before sex.
Since everyone’s disability differs, you are going to have to find out which parts of their bodies are sensitive. You have to talk to your partner about it. It is obvious that sex in a chair may seem a bit uncomfortable. But sex does not always have to be serious.
You may need to plan your sex with your disabled partner because of the need for several adjustments due to the disability. But you can also make it enjoyable for the two of you. Be creative with the sex ideas.
13. Overprotective family and friends
Another tip to consider when dating a wheelchair user is dealing with his overprotective family and friends. There are no two ways about that. His family and friends will scrutinize you to be sure you are not there to hurt him.
They want to be sure that your love for him is real and that you can take genuine care of him. If your love is real, then you should have nothing to worry about.
Yes. If you love him, and you think pursuing a relationship with him won’t be a bad idea, I see no reason why dating a guy in a wheelchair should be a big deal.
You should hug the person from the side that is close to you. This is because people in wheelchairs have restricted movement.
Yes, it is okay to date a disabled person. However, you will have to discuss with your guy on how to understand and live with his disability. This involves a lot of honesty and communication. And these two are fundamentals of all great relationships.
First of all, your confidence is important. Love yourself. Do not hate yourself because you are in a wheelchair. Also, always remind yourself that negativity repels. However, positivity attracts. So, always spread positive energy. Again, do well to always look your best. Learn how to make conversation. Be ready to talk about your disability.
The aim is to create a comfortable environment around you. Once you are free about talking about your disability, it will draw the guy into the conversation too. Sometimes, they have unanswered questions but they do not know how to raise the issue. This is because they may not want to seem offensive.
Once you observe some chemistry, ask him out. Or you can get him to ask you out.
You must never say the following to someone in a wheelchair: ‘Can I get a ride?‘, ‘Let me help you.‘, ‘You need to get a license. Can you date?‘, ‘So do you have sex?‘ etc.
Before I sign out, understand that love does not focus on disability. It is said that the heart wants what it wants. And if the guy has a disability, go for him. Disabled people can be in romantic relationships, too. It is up to you. Once you want it to work, you can try to make it work.
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As hopeless romantic I struggled tremendously in my love life. After many years of searching, trial & error, and countless failed relationships, I finally found my Mr. Right. It wasn't an easy road, but one that has taught me an incredible amount about the workings of relationships between men and women, and this is what I hope to share through my writing on this blog.