The heart wants what it wants; you can’t always control who you fall in love with. One day you’re interested in a cool stranger from your English class, and the other, you find yourself caught up in a massive love web with a friend of your sibling, of all the people to fall for in the dating world!
It's not news that getting involved with a sibling’s friend may not be the best situation to be in, but there’s no clear explanation why considering it's completely understandable why it happens in the first place. Seeing them around with your sibling quite often makes it more likely for you to grow fond of them.
However, as logical as this seems, it's important to tread carefully on these matters. If your boyfriend is close friends with your brother, then his feelings could be deeply affected by this. If you see a future with your brother’s chum, yet you still care about maintaining a good relationship with your brother, then there are a few things you need to be aware of. Keep reading the facts below, and your forbidden romance just may have a good chance of working out.
- 1 9 Things To Know Before Dating Your Brother’s Friend
- 1.1 1. Avoid being sneaky
- 1.2 2. Give him time to digest the information
- 1.3 3. Try your best to get his blessing
- 1.4 4. Hear your sibling out
- 1.5 5. There's a chance that their relationship could crash
- 1.6 6. Your boyfriend is most likely genuine
- 1.7 7. There's no need worrying what your family will think of your boyfriend
- 1.8 8. Everyone probably knows already
- 1.9 9. Consider how you would feel if the roles were reversed
- 2 FAQs
- 3 The Bottomline
9 Things To Know Before Dating Your Brother’s Friend
1. Avoid being sneaky
Dating your brother's pal may hurt your brother a little, but discovering that you were sneaking around to do it could hurt him even more. The truth is your brother will find out eventually, so you should take control of the situation and let him know first.
Talking to him about it may seem tough, but it's the right thing to do. Remember that when it comes down to it, he’s just a sibling, not your God, so you don’t necessarily need to take orders from him. The reason you’re telling him is that it concerns him, so he has a right to know.
If your brother gets angry when you tell him, try your best to stay calm, wait for him to calm down then talk. Ask him what exactly he is mad about. Does he have problems trusting his friend with you (perhaps because of his history)? or does he feel like it would affect the relationship he has with his buddy?
If he’s afraid that you may get hurt, then make him understand that it's even better for you to be with someone he knows instead of a stranger that no one knows.
2. Give him time to digest the information
You should understand that your brother may need time to digest the news; it may have come as a complete surprise to him. Be ready for any reaction possible when you tell him this is one situation where it’s wise to consider the worst-case scenario. The more prepared you are, the better you’ll be at dealing with the situation.
Give your sibling lots of space to process the information, and while you’re at it, try not to flaunt your relationship in his face. Let him have time to talk with his buddy one-on-one; perhaps, his friend would be better at convincing him that it's not such a bad thing after all.
Give them some time and space to talk and hang out like they usually do so your brother can also understand that his friendship does not need to end because you’re dating his friend.
3. Try your best to get his blessing
Though you do not necessarily have to do everything your brother says to do, you have to admit it's way better when your family members approve of your relationships. This is why it's important to tell him at the right time and place, also in the right way.
This does not automatically mean that there is no chance the relationship could work if he disapproves of it. With the right amount of convincing, he may end up being ok with it. However, aim at getting his blessing when you’re talking to him about it; try making him understand that you would like his approval even though you don’t need it.
Having a conversation like this with your brother may be very awkward, but it’s necessary and the right thing to do.
4. Hear your sibling out
Entering into relationships is a considerable risk; you may never know who your partner is and end up hurt in the end. Knowing someone who knows your partner and loves you enough to tell you the truth about them is not just a blessing but an advantage on your part.
If your boyfriend is very close to your brother, he must know him more than anyone else, which means he would know if you're not well suited for his friend. Try to hear your brother out and understand why he may not want you to date his friend. He may be saving you from a truckload of heartache.
5. There's a chance that their relationship could crash
If you choose to go through with this, you need to have it in the back of your mind that things may change permanently. Your relationship with your brother may change (positively or negatively), or his relationship with his friend may change completely (for good or bad).
Knowing and accepting this could help ease the shock that may come afterwards. So you need to ask yourself if it’s worth risking the bond between your brother and his friend.
Another thing to consider is what would happen if you and your boyfriend broke up. It may also affect the bond between your brother and his friend.
6. Your boyfriend is most likely genuine
Don't think you're the only one who understands the risks involved in this. Your boyfriend most likely understands that this may be a problem.
If he understands that dating you may affect his bond with your brother, yet he's still willing to be with you, then he must genuinely care about you.
No one would put years of friendship on the line for a “wham bam thank you ma’am” type of relationship. So if you had a few concerns about trusting your love interest before now, you could let that rest.
7. There's no need worrying what your family will think of your boyfriend
If this guy is close friends with your brother, then your family probably knows him well already. Most close friendships start from early childhood and involve the parents of both parties. This means that even his parents may be good friends with your parents.
You know that stage in your relationship when it's time to introduce your boyfriend to your parents? It’s usually quite scary or awkward for most people. However, In this situation, you're safe. Since your parents already know him and probably love him, you get to skip this initial awkwardness.
8. Everyone probably knows already
If you've seen each other for a while and your boyfriend is around your house a lot, there's a fat chance that your parents or siblings have already noticed the chemistry between you both.
Even if they aren't sure about how serious the relationship is, they must have noticed the flirty glances or the awkward stares you both threw at each other. Unless you're both ninjas, someone must have seen you both together at least once or twice. So, don't be surprised if, by the time you break the news to everyone, they already know.
9. Consider how you would feel if the roles were reversed
I bet you didn't think about this one; you didn't ask yourself how you would feel if you were in his shoes. If your brother and your best friend suddenly told you that they love each other and would like to date, how would you feel?
Considering this could help you empathize with your brother and may even help you break the news to him more carefully. If he doesn't take the news very well, you would also understand how he may be feeling.
If your brother is alright with it, you can go ahead and date his friend without feeling guilty. Although your brother is not the sole determinant of your dating life, things can get a bit uncomfortable if he's against it. You also don't want to damage the friendship between your brother and his friend.
When you find yourself falling for a sibling’s friend, you have to be aware that your relationship does not only affect your partner and you. Your sibling's feelings are also at stake, so you'd need to handle things very delicately. Take into consideration their friendship with your partner and how your actions can affect them.
If your sibling’s friend likes you, he may not be very forward with how he shows it. You may notice subtle signs like lots of eye contact and then looking away. If he's the confident type, he may flirt a little. Jumping to conclusions is risky, so it would be safer to wait for him to tell you directly.
If you find yourself obsessing over your brother's best friend, then you most likely have a crush on him. If he’s a very close friend of your brother, then this isn't a surprise at all. A crush goes beyond just wanting to have a good conversation with a person or share their interests; you’d catch yourself making excuses to talk with him or hoping you would see him that day.
The first thing you need to do is pick the right place. If you feel like your brother would freak out if he finds out you’re dating his friend, it’s better to avoid telling him in public. Also, you may want to wait till the relationship is at least one month old to tell him.
I hope you found this article helpful. Remember, you may not need the approval of your brother to date his friend, but life would be more comfortable if you have it, so handle things carefully. Please let me know what you think about this topic in the comment section, and be sure to share it with friends.
As hopeless romantic I struggled tremendously in my love life. After many years of searching, trial & error, and countless failed relationships, I finally found my Mr. Right. It wasn't an easy road, but one that has taught me an incredible amount about the workings of relationships between men and women, and this is what I hope to share through my writing on this blog.