Due to how common divorce is, chances are you have already met a divorced guy. Maybe you like him and are even contemplating dating him, and being his girlfriend.
Divorced men are a whole different breed altogether, and while dating them has got its perks, it also has its demerits. It is therefore imperative that you know what you are getting yours into.
So, here are some things to expect when dating a divorced man.
- 1 15 Things To Expect When Dating A Divorced Man
- 1.1 1. Divorced but not separated
- 1.2 2. Emotional struggle
- 1.3 3. Children are a sensitive matter, so tread lightly
- 1.4 4. What if he is friends with his ex-wife?
- 1.5 5. The relationship might be slow
- 1.6 6. Red flags
- 1.7 7. Comparison
- 1.8 8. Not in a hurry to settle down
- 1.9 9. Does he want to move on?
- 1.10 10. Communication
- 1.11 11. Low self-esteem
- 1.12 12. Responsibility
- 1.13 13. Maturity
- 1.14 14. Experience
- 1.15 15. Finance
- 2 FAQs
- 3 In Conclusion
15 Things To Expect When Dating A Divorced Man
1. Divorced but not separated
First things first. Before you date a divorced man, find out whether he is actually divorced or just separated. The legal implications for separation and divorce are different. While separation means he is still married, divorce means he is no longer bound to his partner by law. Therefore, your being with him will not necessarily count as cheating on his wife.
Another reason to know for sure that you are dating a divorced man is to avoid getting hurt when you find out he is in a union, or, just separated. If he is still in a union, it means there is no future for the relationship between you two. This is because there is a high chance he can still go back to his wife.
2. Emotional struggle
Divorce can be emotionally draining, and that's a huge problem. That's why divorced men are emotionally torn. So you need to be careful and protect your emotional state. One piece of advice is for you to be very open, honest and really make the relationship work. That's how you can beat the odds in a relationship with a divorcee.
Chances are he may be still angry at his ex-wife, and that anger may be transferred to you. For all you know, he may still be wanting his ex-wife back. So know what you are getting into. If you realize that he is in no state for a new relationship, delicately explain that to him, so that your emotional health is not damaged in the process of a union with him.
3. Children are a sensitive matter, so tread lightly
Children are a sensitive matter, and it will only make sense if he does not immediately broach the matter with you. It's a reminder of his past married life. Do not try too hard to get to know his children. While this may be out of good intentions to showcase your motherly skills, allow him to come to you when he is ready to do so
And when he finally does, accept him and his children wholeheartedly. Accepting only him, and not his children can create tension in the relationship. This is because his children are an extension of him. If you don't like them, it means you don't like him too. So when approaching the matter of his children, tread softly and be empathetic.
Parents can be very particular about who they want around their child or children. Maybe he may not be on board with introducing his children to you because he wants his children to feel secure. Divorce can be a hard thing for adults to deal with, how much more children?
However, it is known that younger children are more accepting of a new parent, while the other older ones may feel insecure because they think you may be replacing their parents.
4. What if he is friends with his ex-wife?
Not every marriage ended on bad terms. Perhaps, it did not work out in the long term as they thought it would. Sometimes, it can be very difficult to date someone who is friends with their ex in a relationship, talk less of a union. A divorced man who is on very good terms with his ex can create jealousy if you have self-esteem issues and paranoia.
It is possible you may have doubts as to whether something is going on between them, and if not handled properly can strain the relationship. Understand that it's perfectly healthy for a divorced couple to remain friends, perhaps they are parents, so for their children's sake at least.
It would be a bit insensitive to break your boyfriend's relationship with his ex-wife because you are jealous, which can be a problem.
But if you think you may be feeling insecure about their friendship, gently address the topic with your guy. Be honest about what is bothering you and ask for reassurance. If you happen to be close to both of them, they should be ready to answer any questions you may have, so that you can feel more comfortable with their friendship.
5. The relationship might be slow
With all relationships, it is essential you know who it is you are entering into a union with. With an ex-husband, you would need to learn a lot of what went wrong with his past marriage. Ask him questions about what happened in the previous union. Take a cue and learn from those.
You don't always need experience to learn. However, make sure you are not forcing him to recount painful memories. He may be still healing so you have to deal with the matter delicately, and he may also want to distance himself. Perhaps, because of the emotional pain, and a fear of the outcome of entering a new relationship, he may hold back.
But be patient, and also know what you are getting into. Some divorced men do not intend to marry again and though he may love you. He may not want to get married perhaps because of the traumatic experience he went through in his first union. He may not even have wanted to enter the dating pool in the first place.
Others yet may want to remarry and find love again. Everyone has different needs after all. So, while the relationship may be going slow, you need to know where it is going.
6. Red flags
There are lots of red flags you need to look out for if you happen to be dating a divorced man. In all relationships, you need to look out for red flags. Sometimes, they are not looking for a wife in their lives.
They only want to taste what a fulfilling union is all about, so they only want something short. Make sure you keep your eyes open for these types of guys so that you can have an idea of what he is up to early enough, and save yourself the heartbreak.
Also, do not let your union with a divorced man become your full-time career. Every healthy union is a partnership and not codependency. And while you need to be patient and empathetic, know when it's taking a drain on you and talk to him about it. Again, a divorced man can decide to be self-sufficient. It's one way they deal with the trauma of divorce.
By being that, he may lose touch with his children, family, and friends. Learn to recognize these signs early. Save him from himself and try to help him out of that situation.
When dating a divorced man, you will definitely be compared to the ex, so be you, Try doing things differently from his ex-wife. Learn from the mistakes of his failed married and apply the good lessons on the p with him. Most divorced men are insecure, so reassurances are the way. However, you need to make sure you are also taking care of yourself well too.
8. Not in a hurry to settle down
Manage your expectations as you date a divorced man. He just got divorced, then started dating, so you need to allow him to get used to the transition as it can be much of a change if it is all done in a rush. That is why you need to understand that being remarried will not be number one on his priority list where you are concerned.
If marriage is at the top of your list for you, it is better you communicate that earlier in the relationship. That way, you can save yourself from any disappointments.
9. Does he want to move on?
Sometimes, some divorced men are not willing to let go of the hurt they have been through, and they somehow extend the hurt to some women they come across. Maybe he was seriously hurt and has serious trust issues, but that should not form the basis of his reasons to date someone in order to hurt them. So be on the lookout for guys like that, so that you escape from those traps quickly.
Being in a union with a divorced man is not all doom and gloom. It also has its benefits. Since he has been in a marriage before, he understands the essentialism of communication. So, when dating a divorced man, you shouldn’t worry about trying to get him to talk about his feelings or thoughts, and needs. He will do so.
11. Low self-esteem
Even though being out of unhealthy relationships can be a blessing. Sometimes, there could be situations where one partner wanted to leave the other, but, the other partner did not want that to happen. And it could be that the person who did not want that to happen was the husband who is now your boyfriend.
Sometimes, falling out of a union can be tough. It can even shatter one's self-esteem, because the divorced man may feel he cannot have a long-term defining union. He may be unsure about himself as he tries to find his feet and build his confidence again.
If you really want to have a future with such a person, you ought to be supportive, understanding, empathetic, and patient as he rediscovers himself.
A divorcee knows a lot about responsibility. Because he has lived a married life, he is more exposed to helping than single guys who have never been married before. So, whether it is paying the bills, running errands, taking care of the children, a divorced guy can handle it best. So, expect a responsible man when dating a divorced husband.
Marriage has a way of making people grow up. This is because they may have experienced the real-life situations marriage comes with and not have a minute idea of marriage through social media goals. So, by the end of their relationships, such men carry on with their lives maturely. They understand the issues which may have come up in the past and are willing to correct them.
Also, a man who has gone through a divorce will go the extra mile in taking very good care of you and making you happy. That is yet another thing to expect when dating a divorced man.
Experience, they say, is the best teacher and it is very possible that your man and his ex have been taught well enough in their lives. It goes without saying that, while the man has a second chance to make things work, he may take it. He learned from the best after all.
Get used to hearing about child support and alimony when dating a divorced man. While it is normal for an unmarried man with children to pay child support, alimony has to do with a situation where a man makes payment to his divorced wife. While it may be something he will have to take care of, you have to be about it as you get involved with him.
This is because, in the long term, finance is something worth discussing in a relationship because it can generate a huge problem. So, if things are looking serious between you two, perhaps, it is time you approach the issue and discuss it accordingly.
If the divorce is final, well, he is ready for a new partner, but you need to consider that he is from a previous marriage and maybe emotionally fragile. So, you ought to be patient, supportive, and understanding as he goes through healing. Also, married men can be very caring as they have already been in the dating scene, gotten married, and maybe have had children.
So such a man knows how to take care of a family. So he would be more mature towards you, and if you happen to be his wife, make sure you are happy and have your needs met.
You can tell a divorced man loves you if he respects you, his words and actions match up, he is willing to answer any questions you may have about him and his life, he sets appropriate boundaries and you both share the same values and goals. So, pay attention to the following signs.
It is advisable for the man to wait until the divorce is over before he starts to date. He should not immediately jump into dating though, but take a break to heal first and resync his mind for dating. One year or even two should be enough time before he starts to date, but note that there is no magic time frame.
Getting divorced can be emotionally draining. This is why you need to know what you are getting into. However, it is okay to date someone going through a divorce.
Divorced men want physical intimacy. They want to be loved, but don't overdo it, else you will scare him away.
To conclude, I hope you consider all these points and understand what you are getting yourself into if you happen to be dating a divorced man. Keep in mind that you deserve to be happy, but do not settle.
I hope you enjoyed this article. Let me know what you think and do not forget to share.
As hopeless romantic I struggled tremendously in my love life. After many years of searching, trial & error, and countless failed relationships, I finally found my Mr. Right. It wasn't an easy road, but one that has taught me an incredible amount about the workings of relationships between men and women, and this is what I hope to share through my writing on this blog.