When you marry someone you don’t expect them to start controlling you and your life. When you first started dating, he was the perfect guy and there was nothing to make you think that your marriage would end up like this and you would find yourself with a controlling husband. If you think that he is controlling you then you may be looking for signs to confirm it.
If you believe that your husband is controlling you, you may not have realized it until recently. Don’t worry because you are not alone and many people find themselves in relationships where they are controlled by their partners but don’t even realize that it is happening for a very long time. It is very unhealthy to find yourself in a toxic relationship without knowing.
If you don’t even realize that it is happening to you, you cannot fix it and things will likely only get worse. However, the positive thing is that you have come to the realization that you are not happy and you are in an unhealthy relationship. You are reading this because you want to solve or get out of your relationship, so here are the signs to look out for.
- 1 Why Does One Become Controlling?
- 2 Controlling Husband: Signs That You Have One
- 2.1 1. He Is Always Criticizing You
- 2.2 2. He Always Tries To Make You Feel Guilty
- 2.3 3. He Tries To Isolate You From Others
- 2.4 4. He Buys You Gifts But Makes You Feel Bad About It
- 2.5 5. He Is Jealous
- 2.6 6. He Wants To Know Your Exact Financial Situation
- 2.7 7. He Controls Your Emotions
- 2.8 8. He Begins To Threaten You
- 2.9 9. He Controls You With Love
- 2.10 10. He Always Knows Where You Are
- 3 FAQs
- 4 To Sum Up…
Why Does One Become Controlling?
There may be many reasons that cause someone to control their partner and it depends on each person and each relationship. One of the most common reasons to cause a person to be controlling is past suffering or trauma. If they were treating badly in the past or as a child, this may be causing this behavior now.
In the past, they may not have been able to control the situation that they were in but now they feel as if they need to control everything in their life to make up for it. They are controlling every aspect of their life now to protect themselves from harm.
Another cause may be a person’s extreme lack of self-confidence. They may have been made fun of a lot in the past and may have an inability to have confidence in themselves because of it. This can make them want to control anybody that they can in order to show that they are better than them and boost their own confidence in this way.
Controlling Husband: Signs That You Have One
Keep reading for the signs that your husband may be controlling you, what might cause him to act in this way and how to deal with this situation. It is also important to remember that if you are in a toxic relationship that you don’t feel safe in, make sure that you look for help to help you to remove yourself from that situation.
If you want to find out what is the cause of your husband’s controlling behavior it may be necessary to look into his past to determine whether something that happened to him previously caused this to occur. When you have figured out the reason it may be easier to understand him and the relationship you share with him and to find a solution together.
If you notice any of the following signs that your husband may be controlling you, it is important that you don’t ignore the situation and that you act on it straight away. If you deny that anything is happening, things are only going to get worse and not better.
1. He Is Always Criticizing You
One of the most common signs that your spouse is trying to take control of you and your life is he is constantly criticizing you. If he is always putting you down, he may be trying to make himself feel better and to prove to himself that he is a better person than you. He is trying to ruin your own confidence so that you start to believe that you need him around.
His constant criticism of you might begin in a subtle way such as him criticizing how you do the laundry or how you cook or your opinion on random subjects. However, this criticism will likely get worse as time passes and he will begin to have a problem with almost everything that you do and he will criticize you all of the time.
He may start to criticize how you look, the clothes that you wear, or your job. You may begin to feel as if you can’t do anything right and he will criticize you for everything no matter what you do. This is one of the most obvious signs of a controlling partner, so be careful if you have begun to notice this in your relationship, and don’t ignore it.
2. He Always Tries To Make You Feel Guilty
When someone is controlling they will try to make you feel guilty for everything that you do that they don’t agree with or that makes them unhappy. Controlling people are trying to manipulate in this way into doing things exactly how they want them to be done and making you feel guilty for when you don’t do things in this way.
They use guilt to put you down when you do something that they don’t like. They try to wear you down so that things are always done their way eventually. They may make you feel guilty if they don’t like that you go for a coffee with your friends every week, when you come home he will do his best to make you feel bad about going next time.
If they make you feel guilty after everything that you do, you may start to feel like it is easier to not do things and not go out rather than having to deal with his manipulation when you get home. After a while you begin to give way to his manipulation, letting him succeed and giving him control over your life and everything that you do.
3. He Tries To Isolate You From Others
This is one of the main ways that controlling people manipulate their partners. They use isolation in a manipulative way to control others. They want to be the only important person in your life and they want you just to themselves so they ensure that you are isolated from those around you so that you no longer see your friends and family.
They may even isolate you from those friends and family that you are closest to. Controlling people may do this by slowly turning everybody close to you against you or place a distance between you and them so that you no longer see them and you lose your connection with them. The isolation will get worse over time.
They may begin to tell you that your friends don’t have a good influence on you and that you shouldn’t see them anymore. Things slowly get worse and they might even say bad things about you to your family in order to turn them against you. They want to be able to control every aspect of your life and who you see every day, without other people realizing what they’re doing.
4. He Buys You Gifts But Makes You Feel Bad About It
Controlling partners may buy you gifts for no apparent reason or do something really nice for you. They might do something nice for you but then make you feel bad about it. He may regularly buy you gifts or make an effort to do something nice for you just so that he can use it against you later on and make you feel awful.
You may at first think that the gift that he got you was lovely, but it may come as a price. Once he has done something for you, he will expect you to do something for him. This is a form of control in marriage as he is doing nice things to force you to act in a certain way toward him. This is a common form of controlling in relationships.
If you find yourself in a controlling relationship, that he has bought you a gift may mean that he will ask you to cancel your night out with your friends, do something for him, or buy him something in return. If he expects something from you in return for doing something nice he is trying to gain control over you.
5. He Is Jealous
When someone is controlling, they are often jealous people. Your controlling partner may be verbally and openly honest about his jealousy so you will be able to tell whether this is in fact the case. He may become jealous if he sees you around other people or even that one of your guy friends responded to your latest social media post.
If you realize that your husband becomes jealous you may not mind at first, especially if it is only subtle, but if it increases over time it is surely a problem and doesn’t just come from a place of love as you may have first thought. If the level of jealousy that he exhibits becomes so high that he becomes possessive over you, it is time to think about walking away.
He may not even just be jealous of other guys that potentially show an interest in you but he becomes jealous of any other person that wants to spend time with you. He wants you just for himself and he is jealous even when you spend time with your friends and family.
6. He Wants To Know Your Exact Financial Situation
A controlling person wants to take control of your emotions and your feelings but they also want to feel like they control your financial situation too. Controlling behavior in a marriage may include a person trying to keep track of your finances and may even stop you from seeing your own financial statements.
A controlling person might try to take over the entire control of your financial situation by taking all of your account information and tracking exactly what you are spending and how you are spending it. He may even begin to criticize how you spend your money and make you guilty for what you are spending it on.
In some controlling marriages, the controlling person may even give their partner a kind of allowance of a certain amount of money to spend each week so that they know exactly how much they are spending. They may even ask how they spend this amount of money every week and criticize how it has been spent.
7. He Controls Your Emotions
Controlling behavior may also turn into a type of emotional abuse. He may take charge of all of your feelings and emotions. A controlling person may take control of all of their partner’s emotions so that you begin to question everything that you have done in the past or the feelings that you have been experiencing.
He may take charge of all your emotions by making you see a situation in a completely different light to the way it actually happened. He may make you feel bad about the way that you acted when in fact you may not have done anything at all wrong. In this way, the controlling person can begin to make you feel crazy and question everything.
This will harm your sanity and make you question yourself to the point that you don’t believe your own thoughts anymore. You may get to the stage that you rely on him to tell you how you should be feeling and what happened in a situation because you have begun to think that you are crazy. This makes it even easier for him to manipulate your emotions further.
8. He Begins To Threaten You
A controlling person can also emit threatening behavior. They can may you feel like you must do exactly what they want you to do because they threaten to hurt you if you don’t. This is common in relationships that become abusive, but not all relationships that are controlling become abusive. He may threaten you emotionally instead.
He may threaten to lie to your family and your friends and spread a harmful rumor about you, he might even cancel a trip away that you were supposed to go on. He may even threaten if you tell him that you are going to leave him in order to stop you from going anywhere. Many people remain in such relationships because of these types of threats.
Threatening another person in this way is a form of deep emotional abuse and manipulation. It is important that if you find yourself in this situation you remember that you are not alone and seek help in order to get yourself out of this toxic relationship. Make sure that you don’t ignore the signs that your husband is trying to manipulate you like this.
9. He Controls You With Love
In a relationship with a controlling partner, they may only show you the love for you if you have done what he has told you to do. In a regular, healthy marriage you shouldn’t have to do anything in particular for your husband to show you how much he loves you. He should simply love you just because he does.
However, in a controlling marriage, your partner may make sure to show you his love only when you are doing what he wants you to do or acting exactly like he wants you to act. He will also make sure that you know that this is the case and use it to manipulate you further. He may not show you any affection at all if he is not pleased with you on a certain day.
He may not show you love if you haven’t spent as much time with him as he thinks you should but if you start to spend time with him and look after you, he will show you affection for a while. He may also make you put in more effort and work for his affection by telling you that he would love you more if you did certain jobs for him, but remember that this is not healthy.
10. He Always Knows Where You Are
If your partner is controlling you he will likely want to know exactly where you are all of the time. He will want to know exactly how you spend every day, everywhere you go and everything that you do. He will likely not trust you either so he may spy on you or keep asking you what you are doing and where you are going.
You may not even realize that he is doing this but he may be spying on you or tracking where you go every day. He may even be using an app on your phone to tell exactly where you have been every day. He may look at your browser history or go through your phone to see what you have been up to on social media and on the internet.
This is not normal behavior for a husband to portray, it is an invasion of your privacy and he should not be spying on you for any reason. If you find him acting like this he may make excuses or make you feel guilty for even asking him a question. In a healthy marriage, you should be able to trust your partner enough not to need to spy on them.
If you are worried that you have a husband who is controlling you it is important to find out for sure what is going on so that you can put an end to this unhealthy situation. If he wants to know your financial state, he checks your phone, he becomes jealous if you spend time with anyone else but him he is likely trying to control you.
A controlling relationship is one where one partner tries to manipulate and control their partner and their life. If he criticizes everything that you do just so that you only do things that make him happy or he makes you feel guilty for seeing your friends and family your husband controlling you has become a huge problem that needs to be addressed.
Husbands that control you shouldn’t be dealt with by controlling them in return. If you have noticed the signs that you have a controlling person in your relationship it is important to deal with it in a healthy way. Speak to a close friend or family member that you can trust to find a way to get out of this toxic situation in a safe way.
Red flags in a relationship include that your husband criticizes everything that you do so that it feels like nothing that you do is good enough from his point of view, he tries to make you feel guilty every time you spend time with any person other than him and that he tries to isolate you from everybody else in your life so that he is the only one left.
If you believe that your husband may be narcissistic look for the signs that he believes in his own self-important, he lives in a dream world that supports all of his delusions, he requires constant admiration from everyone around him, for everything that he does and he always puts down and criticizes those around him.
To Sum Up…
Controlling husbands make relationships highly toxic and unhealthy so it is important that you don’t ignore the situation if you see a red flag. If you believe that your husband has controlling behavior and that he is controlling you, it is important that you do what you can about it and get out of this situation, no matter how hard it may be.
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As hopeless romantic I struggled tremendously in my love life. After many years of searching, trial & error, and countless failed relationships, I finally found my Mr. Right. It wasn't an easy road, but one that has taught me an incredible amount about the workings of relationships between men and women, and this is what I hope to share through my writing on this blog.