Conditional love comes with “conditions.” Your love is conditional if you require certain things from your partner. Usually, the words “if you” and “then I will.” No one wants to be in a relationship with conditions. You are making sure your partner gives you what you want, no matter what the cost is to them.
Basically, with conditional love, your partner is a means to an end. You are just using them for one reason or another. You may be using your partner for sex, status, or money. For example, you might be a singer dating a record label because he or she can help you get into the music industry without delay or cost.
You may also require that you must be happy no matter what. For example, you may say, “My partner must tolerate everything about me, even if it’s completely unhealthy.” You may believe that they must make you happy by any means necessary when, in reality, this is not healthy or fun for either of you; plus, true love is not involved in relationships like this.
- 1 What Are Examples Of Conditional Love Thoughts?
- 2 The Difference Between Conditional and Unconditional Love
- 3 Examples Of Conditional Love
- 3.1 1. You have unrealistic expectations
- 3.2 2. You mentally, physically, or emotionally abuse your partner
- 3.3 3. You are an emotionally unhealthy individual
- 3.4 4. You have an avoidant personality
- 3.5 5. You lack trust
- 3.6 6. You cannot deal with problems in a healthy way
- 3.7 7. You cannot remain faithful to your partner
- 3.8 8. You expect your partner to accept your negative behavior
- 3.9 9. You take more than you give
- 4 What To Do If You Are In a Conditional Relationship
- 5 FAQs
- 6 Conclusion
What Are Examples Of Conditional Love Thoughts?
- If you buy me a new car, I will continue to be your girlfriend.
- If you continue to have sex with me daily, I will not cheat on you.
- If you buy me an engagement ring, I will stay with you.
- If you take me out on fancy dates, I will make sure you look good in public.
- If you donate a kidney to me, I will pay you $4 Million.
The Difference Between Conditional and Unconditional Love
With unconditional love, you are with a person without any regard for their faults. Instead, you accept every part of them without question. While this can seem like a beautiful thing, it isn’t necessarily the most healthy thing in the world, especially if you never recognized their bad traits. It’s good to have your eyes open for the cons that come with the pros in a relationship.
An unconditional love relationship has more love than it does the evaluation of the other person’s flaws. Unconditional love relationships like this are usually pure but can be flawed because you may not really be seeing things clearly.
You might be in the relationship because of your idea of “love,” which may be unfair because you are basing your feelings on ideas rather than facts.
However, conditional love is not much better than unconditional love. Usually, with unconditional love, you were in love in the beginning and now are able to accept the flaws of another person. With conditional love, true love was never there because you were only in the relationship because you wanted to “get something” out of it (more money, a higher social status, etc.).
Examples Of Conditional Love
1. You have unrealistic expectations
If you are in an unhealthy relationship, you may make unfair choices. Your motives may also be completely unfair. For example, you might be with someone only because of their money. If they were to lose their job, the relationship would be over. You may require your partner to wait on your hand and foot, or you will not accept them.
2. You mentally, physically, or emotionally abuse your partner
In a conditional love relationship, the behavior is not fair or reasonable. You may treat your partner poorly yet expect them to accept every flaw that you have. Make sure you contact a proper authority figure if you are being abused, and get out of the relationship as soon as you can. You should make new, healthy choices and actions!
3. You are an emotionally unhealthy individual
Sometimes, when you are in a relationship, you are too clingy, expecting your loved one to be there for you day and night – no matter what. Alternatively, you could be emotionally distant, giving only the bare minimum to the partnership you are in. Relationships like this are not healthy, so set yourself free if you are in one.
4. You have an avoidant personality
An avoidant person expects their partner to accept their lack of emotion while they are together. This person will avoid confrontation and express their feelings in any way they can. They might not bring up sensitive subjects for fear of confrontation or arguments. Make certain that you are not exhibiting this behavior in your relationship.
5. You lack trust
Your partner may request patience as he must meet with women for his job. Maybe he is a real estate agent with women as brokers or closing agents. Of course, some of his clients will be women, too. Maybe you will not give approval for him to be around other women, which is unreasonable for his line of work. Give him your approval to do his job!
6. You cannot deal with problems in a healthy way
Maybe you lack patience or throw fits in a childish way. How do you handle conflict? What is the difference between healthy and unhealthy conflict? Do you have the feeling that your partner is tired of your actions when there are problems? If you are with a man and expect his approval of your unhealthy behavior, you’re not being reasonable.
7. You cannot remain faithful to your partner
Do you have trouble with commitment? Does the feeling of being with one person freak you out? Do you care more about dating many people than you do about your partner? Couples in unfaithful relationships like this care more about getting their unreasonable needs met than being fair to one person. The fact is you need too much validation.
8. You expect your partner to accept your negative behavior
In a conditional love relationship, you expect your man or woman to accept your negative behavior because you are with them for all the wrong reasons. You don’t truly love this person, but instead, you are with them because you expect to get something unreasonable out of this relationship. You care more about things than people.
9. You take more than you give
With unconditional love, you accept the flaws of your partner, but love can be blind because you are head over heels in love with the person. With conditional love, the fact is that you are taking more than you are giving. The difference is that with unconditional love, there’s something special there; conditions mean requirements are there.
What To Do If You Are In a Conditional Relationship
1. Seek the advice of an expert
Sometimes, a trained professional is the best person to talk to about things like this. A love expert who is qualified may have the tricks, tools, and ideas that you need to survive what you are going through. Make sure the person has the right credentials, though. You want to talk to a person who knows their stuff and can really help you along the way.
2. Expect fairness
Don’t expect your mate to make you happy, no matter what. Do you think they need to tolerate everything about you – even the things that are not healthy? Do you think you are fair to this person? Are you just using another person for some reason? Do you have ulterior motives? Make sure you are reasonable with regard to your expectations.
3. Have a balanced relationship
Are you giving as much as you receive? Are you fair to your partner? What do you expect out of the partnership? If you expect your mate to accept everything about you, what are you accepting of them? You should be fair in your expectations and give as much as you take. Don’t expect someone to wait on your hand and foot without you doing something for them.
4. Ask yourself the crucial questions
Think about the following questions when you are evaluating the relationships in your life.
- If he lost his job, would I stay with him?
- If he quit taking you out to fancy dinners, would you still love him?
- If he got a new job making less money, would you criticize him?
- If she stopped having sex with you, would you still respect her?
- If she couldn’t have sex with you anymore, would you stay with her?
- What are your motives?
- Are you fair to the person you are with?
- Do you give more than you take?
- What are you expecting to get out of the partnership?
It means that there are conditions in the relationship. You might require your boyfriend to take you out to eat at fancy dinners before he can get sex or some other favor. You require another person to do something for you in exchange for something else.
Conditional love is usually unhealthy because one person doesn’t really love the other. Instead, they require you to do something to get what you want out of this person. For example, if you are a makeup artist, you may want to be with a producer to get fame.
Try to really fall in love with the person you are with, rather than expecting something out of the relationship, something unreasonable. You may find true love this way rather than expecting certain conditions out of the relationship. Watch for the signs of unconditional love, too; don’t ignore the bad.
Unconditional love means that you completely love someone with no conditions. This can be unhealthy if you do not really see the cons that come with the pros. It’s a good idea to be madly in love before you are in an unconditional love partnership.
It means that you totally accept someone – all of their flaws do not bother you. You may be blinded by the love you feel if you have unconditional love in your partnership. People who love unconditionally often just don’t see any flaws in the other person.
Are you in conditional or unconditional love? Do you think this is healthy? Why or why not? I’d love to hear your thoughts and ideas on this subject! How can you best get out of conditional love? Please share your opinion in the comments section below, and share this post!
As hopeless romantic I struggled tremendously in my love life. After many years of searching, trial & error, and countless failed relationships, I finally found my Mr. Right. It wasn't an easy road, but one that has taught me an incredible amount about the workings of relationships between men and women, and this is what I hope to share through my writing on this blog.