Closure With A Narcissist: 9 Things You Need To Know

We all need closure after a relationship. It helps us move on to form better, healthy relationships. This can come in answers to important questions we might have. Closure can help us fit all the pieces of the puzzle nicely together so that we are finally done with the puzzle. 

How To Get Closure From A Narcissist

The thing about getting closure from a narcissist is that it doesn’t always happen the way it should. Sometimes, after a breakup, one person can call the other one. They can have those important conversations to help you get the closure that you need. If your ex is a narcissist, they might intentionally refuse to give that to you. That’s okay, though. You can still get what you need.

1. Realize your idea of closure might not happen

We all have ideas about everything, including what it takes to move on from a relationship. However, you need to throw those out the window. Give a phone call a shot, but don’t expect it to go well. When a person with narcissism feels as though they have been discarded, they can be full of intense anger. Because of that, you might have to get closure on your own.

2. Get rid of all of their belongings

After any relationship, you should get rid of things that remind you of them. This is especially important if you’ve been dealing with narcissistic abuse. The more things you have laying around, the more you’ll start to romanticize the good things about the relationship. 

Instead, let go mentally by letting go of their stuff physically. Burn it. Bury it. Throw it in the trash. Sell it. Do whatever you have to in order to get it out of your house.

3. Address your feelings

We often think that we need to confront them to move on. We have to understand their reasons for acting the way that they did. It can be hard to understand narcissistic abuse, so we want to talk to them about the abuse and their behaviors. Don’t do that. 

This is a common misconception. Getting closure is about moving on, not addressing the person that hurt you. In fact, you don’t have to speak with them at all in order to move on. 

Take the time to address how hurt you are. Let it out in a healthy manner. Consider following the same steps that you would after any relationship. That means practicing a lot of self-care. Write down your thoughts and feelings in a journal. Pick up a hobby to keep yourself distracted at times.

4. Give yourself time

give yourself time

It takes time to heal from the end of any relationship. Don’t pressure yourself to hurry up and get over it. Instead, give yourself all of the time that you need. 

Keep in mind that healing from narcissistic abuse tends to take a bit longer. When they were playing games and made you feel like your life was a whirlwind of chaos, they were doing some serious mental damage. That doesn’t go away overnight. 

Instead, it can be weeks before you start feeling like yourself again. Understand that’s a normal reaction to an abnormal situation. Any type of abuse, including narcissistic abuse, is an abnormal situation.

5. No contact

Going no contact after dealing with narcissistic abuse is necessary. You don’t want to leave the door open for them to walk back into your life. These people are toxic, and they don’t care about you. 

Going no contact can be draining. They might try to email you or call you. If they can, they’ll find reasons to contact you that seem normal, such as asking about a sick relative that they’re supposedly concerned about. Don’t fall for it. 

After that, there’s a chance that they will escalate things. They might say that they are having health problems. Or perhaps they’ll go into a full-blown rage in an attempt to get you to pay attention to them. Again, don’t fall for it. Keep ignoring them. 

When you ignore them, it gives your mind and body the time that it needs to heal. Slowly, you’ll find that you have more appropriate responses to things in life. You will better be able to adjust. Then, your original personality will start to come back. This all begins with no contact.

6. You were in love with the idea of them, not them

This single thought can help you open your eyes. As soon as you realize that the relationship was more of a lie than reality, you’ll find that it’s easier to move on. 

A narcissist is only worried about you providing them with their supply. They want attention. They need people to stroke their egos. If them being a romantic partner achieved that, then that’s what they did. This is why a narcissist will always seem like a dream come true outside of those moments of narcissistic abuse. It was all fake. Narcissists are great at being fake.

7. Know that they didn’t really love you

Narcissists don’t really love their partners. They love the idea of them. More than anything, they love that they provide them with love, attention, and everything else that they want. A true narcissist will never love anyone as much as they love themselves.

8. Learn about narcissistic personality disorder

learn about narcissistic personality disorder

If you’re new to the world of narcissists, it’s time to learn a bit about them. This article is a great place to get started. You can also search for articles that will tell you what a narcissist is like as a boyfriend, for example, to help you get a better understanding of how they impacted you, and why no contact is a must. 

As you learn about this disorder, you’ll also find yourself getting more closure. This is because you more than likely have unanswered questions. Learning about the way a narcissist acts and why they are the way that they are will answer a lot of the questions that you have.

9. Consider therapy

Domestic violence therapy isn’t just for people that have had a black eye. Abuse is much more than just physical abuse. There’s also emotional abuse, which narcissists are known for. You’ve more than likely been through techniques like gaslighting, even if you don’t realize it. 

A professional therapist can help you identify what you’ve been through. Women that are still in a relationship can have help in developing a plan to leave. A counselor can also help you work through the relationship ending. 

FAQs

Can narcissists give closure?

No. A narcissist is only worried about themselves and getting their narcissistic supply. They’ll use a closure as an excuse to get close to you again or get attention from you. Instead, it’s best to keep that door closed by going no contact. 

Why do narcissists never give you closure?

They don’t feel love the same way that we do, so they don’t need to same things that we do in order to move on. To them, your need for closure is an opportunity to further drain your energy while you continue to feed their ego. As long as you have an issue, you’re still thinking about them. 

What is the best revenge on a narcissist?

Ignore them and be happy. It will drive them crazy to see you living your best life without them. They want to be the center of your world. If you left them, they’ll want you to suffer at least a little bit. Being happy and going no contact are really the best thing you can do for yourself, and the perfect revenge. 

How do you emotionally detach from a narcissist?

Cut them off. Don’t talk to them, stalk their social media or acknowledge their existence. Focus on the negative things. Remember that they were faking the relationship, and didn’t really love you. Don’t try to change them. Get rid of all of their stuff that you still have. 

Why do narcissists never answer questions?

They would prefer it if you were confused. This leaves you more vulnerable to their abuse and manipulation. Not answering a question guarantees that you never get the clarity that you want, which leaves them as the person in control. 

Summary

It’s common to want to find closure, but this can be impossible when you’re trying to get it from a narcissist. They simply won’t give it to you. That doesn’t mean that you can’t find it yourself though. How do you find closure after a relationship ends?

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