Every girl dreams of the moment when her dream man drops to one knee, pulls out a blinding jewel, and asks her to spend the rest of her life with him. You think, finally I found the right person, and I can have my happy ending.
You proceed to have your engagement party where you have friends, family and acquaintances come to celebrate love with you. You think, after all the waiting, you will have a man to call your husband and partner in everything.
However, something happens and your fiancé develops cold feet and before you know it, the relationship ends. Do you start wondering what went wrong? Why did he break off your engagement or wedding date so close to the date too?
Suddenly, this man you’ve loved and waited so long for broke your heart and you feel lost. After your canceled wedding plans, what’s next?
Your fiancé, now ex, might come back to say he was foolish to have broken off the engagement, that he wants a second chance. You might even be considering saying yes to him the second time even though it was his fault the relationship ended. But don’t be in a hurry to give him the power to break your heart again.
At this point, your emotions are raw, you’re vulnerable, and can make decisions for foolish reasons. Yes, both of you can find your way back to each other, but it requires wisdom. Below are some tips that might help you heal before getting back with your ex-fiancé.
- 1 11 Tips To Survive A Broken Engagement
- 1.1 1. Keep your distance from him for a while
- 1.2 2. Purge your social media accounts
- 1.3 3. Take a vacation if you can afford to at the moment
- 1.4 4. Get busy with work and important projects and forget about dating
- 1.5 5. Pick up a new hobby
- 1.6 6. Return the ring to him
- 1.7 7. Lean on family and friends for emotional support
- 1.8 8. Talk to a relationship counselor
- 1.9 9. Why do you want to get back with him?
- 1.10 10. Start a new relationship with him slowly
- 1.11 11. Accept that it might never work between both of you
- 2 FAQs
- 3 In Conclusion
11 Tips To Survive A Broken Engagement
1. Keep your distance from him for a while
After the breakup, you will be confused, hurt, mad, yet vulnerable to whatever your ex says. You will want him to admit immediately that he made a mistake, so things can go on as planned. However, you’ll be only deceiving yourself because he did end things and both of you are no longer together.
While you will want to hear his reasons for calling off the wedding, your sanity should be your priority in this situation. As such, avoid any form of contact with him. Delete or blacklist his number if that makes you feel good.
You might reconsider in the future, but for now, you’re entitled to your anger and privacy, so stay away from him. In the meantime, forget the relationship altogether, and consider moving forward without him in your life
If you’re a social person who doesn’t mind sharing some parts of your life with the public, you’ve probably announced on social media that you’re engaged to be married to the love of your life.
Having to announce that wedding bells are no longer ringing can be embarrassing. To avoid pouring salt on an open wound, you can temporarily suspend your accounts or uninstall your social apps.
It might be difficult for you to delete the pictures of you and your ex, especially if he’s your best friend. However, that action can easily tell people that you aren’t together anymore without having to do so much explanation.
In the long run, you can return to posting your social activities after you’re sure you can deal with questions from concerned friends.
3. Take a vacation if you can afford to at the moment
You must practice self-care during a trying time as when your fiancé cancels your wedding. Doing something such as visiting the spa can lift your spirit. If getting a massage, and a pedicure and manicure session was already a part of your plans for the wedding, don’t cancel it. Take advantage of that and pamper yourself.
Also, if you had planned your honeymoon destination already, that might be the perfect time for a getaway alone or with friends. It’s only fair that you heal in a beautiful environment.
You can also decide to create more time for friends and family as part of your vacation plans. Rather than mope around, try to relax and have fun. Your ex is probably getting together with his guy friends too.
4. Get busy with work and important projects and forget about dating
Another way to survive this situation is to shift your focus to work. There is nothing wrong with burying yourself in work for a bit to get over your broken heart. It certainly is better than drowning your pain in alcohol or drugs.
While you stay busy and take your mind off the wedding day that had just been canceled, try to strike a balance between work and rest. Don’t run yourself to the ground just because you want to forget your ex’s existence. Once you feel like you’re overdoing it, take a step back.
You can also volunteer your time at different charities, or create your own passion projects. If the relationship lasted for years, you might need these distractions to get you through the recovery phase.
5. Pick up a new hobby
To take your mind off the upcoming nuptials that will not be happening, you can develop new skills, get some certifications that can advance your career, or simply learn/adopt a new hobby.
It doesn’t have to be anything big or difficult, it should be sufficient enough to keep your mind off your thwarted marriage plans. Whatever learning you pick up might prove influential in ways you don’t expect in the future, so be intentional about the new habits you pick up.
Who knows, the man you were hoping to marry is probably doing the same thing to cope because he’s just as messed up as you currently are.
6. Return the ring to him
One of the toughest decisions you will battle with is returning the engagement ring. That small piece of jewelry has become a part of your outfit and has probably left an imprint on your finger.
It represents his promise to make you a part of him and take you to the next level as his family. It represents his devotion to you and a reminder that he is serious about you. Thinking of this symbolism is good enough reason to hold on to the ring a little longer.
However, the wedding has been called off and you just have to move on. Giving back his gift is a way to also remind him of his broken promises. Holding on to it makes you hope futilely for something that might never happen.
As such, no matter how much you wish that things will continue as they were, it is best if you rip the band-aid off, return the jewelry and try to move on.
7. Lean on family and friends for emotional support
The support of your family and loved ones can be quite beneficial in this period. They might even need the comfort too because they helped plan the engagement and wedding. They invested time and maybe money, they are probably feeling raw too.
You can decide to stay with your folks during this time. Being surrounded by your parents and siblings can be just the thing that will lift your spirit and give you a new purpose.
You deserve the emotional support they can give you, so don’t shut them out. Their presence can cheer you, help you reassign your priorities, and focus on anything else than your recently terminated wedding ceremony.
8. Talk to a relationship counselor
Your family can only do so much to support you, but visiting a therapist or marriage counselor can help you even further. These people are well-versed in the art of listening and counseling.
They might not say exactly what you want to listen to, but they’ve seen many relationships come and go. They certainly know what strategies apply in your situation and which ones will hinder your rapid healing.
By the time you’re done with your sessions, you’ll be more clear-headed to make the best decisions for yourself. You will be armed with facts that your ex cannot twist for you.
9. Why do you want to get back with him?
The feelings you have for him will not just fade away, it will be there for a long time. You will harbor hope that both of you can work through your differences and make new plans for a wedding.
However, you can’t bank on hope alone. You need to ask yourself, why do you want to date him a second time when it didn’t work the first time? Were there red flags you should have taken note of that you now see clearly? Can you overlook or live with those negative traits?
You should ask yourself if maybe starting a new life without him might be the best thing. You just need to weigh the pros and cons of getting back with the man who broke up with you before opening your heart to him again.
10. Start a new relationship with him slowly
While you might still be hurt about the canceled engagement and going through your healing process, you can decide to give him another chance. If you have considered the benefits and disadvantages of staying with him, and the pros outweigh the cons, you can give the relationship another try.
However, don’t be in a haste to make him your husband any time soon. You need to date him as though both of you are starting afresh. There was a reason he couldn’t get married to you before, are you sure he is ready now?
Even if the answer is yes, both of you still need to take things slowly.
11. Accept that it might never work between both of you
After all is said and done, the relationship might not survive the called-off engagement and you have to be okay with that. There is no sense in forcing what wasn’t meant to be. Both of you have tried to make it work, but you need to let go at a point.
Your decision to not accept him back doesn’t have to be because he’s a bad person, but he’s probably the wrong person for you. Dating or trying to marry him again just because he is a comfortable part of your life is the biggest mistake you’ll ever make.
If you will be doing the marriage thing with him again, it has to be because you’re sure he’s the one.
Yes, you can, but there is no certainty that old hurts won’t separate you again. There will be mistrust, doubt, and fear trailing the second attempt to get engaged and be together permanently.
Just a few of such engagements survive and lead to successful marriages. Some of these couples can’t seem to trust each other as they did before the breakup.
It rarely happens but it is possible to end a near-marriage with someone and still be with them romantically. It is possible that one or both parties are scared of the statistics of failed marriages and decide to stay committed to each other without legal bindings.
Healing from a wounded heart is a big deal. When the union is close to official joining, it is even more devastating. Healing varies from person to person and the circumstances surrounding the breakup. As such, it can take as long as is necessary for you to heal from the pain. So, take your time and don’t pressure yourself.
When you can’t see eye-to-eye on any topic and your conversations end with raised voices. If you’re always arguing and can’t come to any consensus, it’s a sign that it is over.
Broken engagements that lead to successful marriages rarely happen because things fell apart after both of you decided to legalize your union and be together for your lifetime. However, you can still fix things, but only after you’ve managed to heal from the last ordeal.
Following these tips will help you if you apply them appropriately. How relatable was this post? Please drop a comment below and share the post with someone else.
As hopeless romantic I struggled tremendously in my love life. After many years of searching, trial & error, and countless failed relationships, I finally found my Mr. Right. It wasn't an easy road, but one that has taught me an incredible amount about the workings of relationships between men and women, and this is what I hope to share through my writing on this blog.