Whoever came up with breakup sex should have warned people about the pros and cons, because they are two sides to it. While some people feel it’s the best sex ever, some see it as a failed attempt to get back together with an ex.
It's just sex. What could go wrong with sleeping with someone you've been having sex with before?
Getting under the sheets with your ex one last time may seem like the best way to end the relationship, but one partner may not walk away entirely happy with their decision.
Now, I'm not here to tell you not to sleep with your ex, but It's okay if you want to think it through for you to eliminate any regrets about your decision. So, before you jump right into it, here are a couple of things to consider before having breakup sex.
- 1 17 Things To Consider Before Having Breakup Sex
- 1.1 1. You may not need it
- 1.2 2. Breakup sex can be great
- 1.3 3. It could be lousy
- 1.4 4. Have you thought it through
- 1.5 5. It's not a gateway to closure
- 1.6 6. You probably won't be getting any VIP treatments
- 1.7 7. It could bring back emotions
- 1.8 8. Breakup sex could make your healing process slower or impossible
- 1.9 9. You may not know when or how to stop
- 1.10 10. You may feel used
- 1.11 11. It will likely get awkward
- 1.12 12. It's not a healthy choice
- 1.13 13. It might make you feel the breakup blues all over again
- 1.14 14. It gives false hope
- 1.15 15. You could feel confused
- 1.16 16. Consider that you deserve more
- 1.17 17. Get ready to walk away
- 2 FAQs
- 3 In Conclusion
17 Things To Consider Before Having Breakup Sex
1. You may not need it
Sex can be really powerful. Research shows that it can even be addictive. Therefore, the first thing you need to consider is that your hormones and the addictive receptors in your brain are just playing tricks on you.
The fact that you don't have a new boyfriend after the breakup means your mind will naturally picture your ex first when you are feeling all mushy. The minute you want to get down and dirty, the idea of having ‘one last hurrah’ will cross your mind.
If you can take a pause and try to remember that the relationship ended for a reason you'd probably realize you don't need breakup sex.
2. Breakup sex can be great
Think of breakup sex as having a good, bad, and ugly side, so this is technically the good part. Let's face it, breaking up with your boyfriend doesn't mean you completely hate his guts. If you haven't started getting down with someone else, chances are, the sexual image you've had may still be fresh and playing in your head.
If he's good at giving an earth-shattering orgasm, and all you want is just one for the road with no strings attached, then it could be a hot experience. Has breakup sex ever killed anyone? Probably not, but it has made relationships more complicated. So just ensure you’re both on the same page.
3. It could be lousy
Okay, so now that the good part is out of the way, you might want to know that breakup sex could also be a total anticlimactic activity. I mean, it could be a totally lousy, clumsy, waste of time kind of sex.
Yeah, sex can be awkward even when you are in love and in a relationship, but it's the love and affection you feel towards each other that doesn't make all the clumsiness matter.
In fact, you laugh about it whenever it gets weird. Now that whatever you and your ex have is devoid of all the relationship sparks and goodness, trust me, it could get very uncomfortable and strange.
4. Have you thought it through
One of the things that we humans are guilty of is looking for a comfortable reason why we should do something inappropriate while ignoring the real underlying cause. Is it closure? A last chance at redemption or a desire to reignite a dead flame? Have a truthful rethink of why you want to get under the sheets with your previous partner.
Try not to deceive yourself. Thinking it through will help you do the right thing instead of feeling confused after a steamy sex session. You might convince yourself it's just sex and nothing more, but deep down, you may find yourself hoping you'll start dating again or, worse, deceiving yourself that you're already together.
5. It's not a gateway to closure
In case you think getting naked with your ex will somehow offer you some closure so that you can finally move on, then you need to think again. It's not uncommon for both men and women to use sex as a means of knowing if they still want their ex or not. But something like this, (especially when done for all the wrong reasons) could end up ruining a lot of things.
Why would you want to use that as a yardstick to measure the level of your emotions? What happens during breakup sex is that you transfer all the hurt you are feeling into an erotic, steamy sexual session. All you are going to get with that is more confusion, especially when the sex is mind-blowing.
6. You probably won't be getting any VIP treatments
It's only natural that two people in a loving relationship will treat each other as VIPs since they have special feelings for one another. But once the relationship has gone south, the VIP treatments and all forms of chivalry will equally go out the window.
Look at it this way, since you no longer hold an important place in his heart the need to treat you like his girl no longer exists. Chances are, he'll treat you like a desperate, needy person crying for sex. That means this version may be rougher, sadder, and everything would be without care or emotion.
Think about it, is breakup sex truly worth being treated less than special? Isn't it better to move on to who will treat you right and not try to revive an ex-relationship?
7. It could bring back emotions
There's a reason why your boyfriend became your ex in the first place, so trust me when I say you can't escape stirring up old emotions. Unless you are completely over him and you just want to show you can have him anytime you want, having breakup sex will likely open up some of those covered feelings.
Breakups happen for a reason, and if you think you’re doing this to feel more content or fulfilled in the bedroom, then there’s a lot you have to learn.
If the sex was good, there's a huge chance your brain will start to remind you why you fell in love with him and how great the good old days were. If you were previously trying to move on, you would have only successfully impaired your healing journey.
8. Breakup sex could make your healing process slower or impossible
If you left your ex because he hurt you badly yet, you are jumping into bed with him because you can't get over having sex with him, then you don't need me to tell you you might never heal.
Relationships could be dangerous at times because people create ties they can’t break free from, which riles up some negative attitudes in them.
Romantic emotions and sex can be so strong they sometimes feel like a drug addiction. Many relationship experts and therapists sometimes tell their clients to completely block/delete the ex's number on the phone and social platforms. That's to let you know the importance of not interrupting one's healing process after a breakup.
9. You may not know when or how to stop
Just like addictive substances keep you locked in more than you bargained for, breakup sex can be equally addictive, especially when you are not over your ex. You may think it's going to be a one-time thing but find yourself in a loop of uncontrollable sex. Your behavior towards healing or moving on could change, and you’d never be content with the ‘one last experience’.
Trust me, it's almost always a bad idea. Who doesn't like free sex with no commitments? You don’t need me to tell you how superficial men can be. Research shows that they can have an erection without any strong emotions. Therefore, he can keep welcoming you with open arms to keep sleeping with you, and then dangerously quit when he moves on.
10. You may feel used
If both of you know what you are doing, then it's okay if you still want to ride on. But let's face it, one person in this sexual arrangement sometimes wants it to be more than just breakup sex. That's why the ‘one last time slogan’ slowly turns into a dangerous cycle one of the ex-partners’ has to break.
That’s one of the reasons why I encourage women not to give in to desire and risk their mental and physical well-being. Like I earlier said, it won't likely end the way it happens in romantic comedies, where they live happily ever after mind-blowing sex. Chances are, you might feel used in the long run if you don’t get back together or quench the desire from the experience.
11. It will likely get awkward
Taking a closer look at breakup sex will make you notice only a slight difference when comparing it to a friends-with-benefits arrangement. The major difference is that you were once dating, and the major reasons for indulging in it aren’t really defined. Depending on your ex’s personality, his behavior before and after the experience could differ.
If he thought having sex one last time would give him closure and it didn’t, he’ll feel resentful and disappointed.
12. It's not a healthy choice
If your former partner is over you, and you are not, being with a former lover that doesn't want you can be unhealthy for the mind. It's often confusing whether it's okay to sleep naked in each other's arms or cuddle. In fact, being naked with a guy you shouldn't even be dating gives you this reality check that you are in the wrong place.
It could affect you a lot, including future relationships, your self-esteem, mental health, and well-being.
13. It might make you feel the breakup blues all over again
I know it's hard to say goodbye to the one we love, especially when we didn't initiate the breakup. But all together, you've said goodbye to each other. You've probably gone through the whole breakup ritual of crying and feeling sad. Why would you want to put yourself through all that cycle all over again?
The truth is, the reason for the breakup may still be present between you both, so sex won't make it any different. You'll only expose yourself to another rejection all over again.
14. It gives false hope
A lot of women rush into the bedroom with an old boyfriend because of reasons best known to them. But one of the predominant reasons is either closure, an unhealthy obsession with their former partner or relationship, or false hopes of reconciliation. Breakup sex could trigger a self-generated false hope because you desperately want him back.
So in the guise of breakup sex, two former lovers get under the sheets ‘for the last time’ and give themselves reasons why it must not happen again.
However, if you aim to get back together, then ‘talk about’ the reasons you broke up initially. Sex doesn't fix problems, and breakup sex certainly won’t fix a broken relationship, it only helps couples ignore it for a while by feeling good via an orgasm. So, don't deceive yourself by assuming breakup sex is makeup sex.
15. You could feel confused
One of the things that happen after breakup sex is not knowing what's next, and a lot of women are burdened by this. This feeling usually creeps in when you never thought it through in the first place.
You may find yourself dealing with thoughts like, are we together? Are we an item now? “The sex was great, maybe he loves me, and he just doesn't know how to tell me.”
All of these may keep you in a state of confusion and worse, have your emotions toyed with.
16. Consider that you deserve more
No matter how horny you are feeling, no matter how desperate you want your ex back, the truth is you deserve more. So, sit back and think if you are this person who just wants to get in bed with a guy you are no longer in a committed relationship with.
If something unexpected happens, like getting pregnant, you can't even tell him since you don't even know if you mean anything to him anymore. Many women before you have made this mistake and have to live with it, so think a little more. Breakup sex may feel initially gratifying, but think more about the long-term effects.
17. Get ready to walk away
If you eventually go ahead with the breakup sex, make sure you walk away the first time, no matter how great the sex is. There's no point sticking around with a guy that probably doesn't see you more than an object of sexual gratification.
If you find yourself asking, “what are we? Are we exclusive now?” You might be giving yourself false hope, which will only make you his booty call.
Breakup sex usually means different things to different people. If you are sure it's a one-time thing, then it might not be such a bad idea. But if you are not over your ex, and you want to have sex because you hope it will bring you both together, it might be best to rethink.
Whether it's your ex or another rebound guy, sleeping with a former lover after a bad breakup isn't always the best choice. It's best to heal and become whole again before going into another relationship.
Unlike women, guys can be superficial sometimes, and that because of their nature. For men, sex and emotions are two parallel lines. A man can have sex without having any feelings for you whatsoever. However, women are known to be more attached. In fact, guys can have sex when they angry, sad, or even depressed. It could be a coping mechanism to make them feel better after a breakup.
It's not the best idea because you could stir up emotions and get yourself in a confused state. Women and men who sleep with an ex-partner could complicate their feelings for each other and hold false hopes that the breakup sex would become a ‘make-up session’.
Well, it's not impossible. Sometimes, it depends on the reason the couple broke up in the first place. When distance or other non-hurtful reasons caused the breakup, it might be possible for exes to fall in love again. Also, when people don't initially value what they have until it's lost, a breakup can sometimes be the reality check some people need to help them realize how much they genuinely love their ex.
I hope you enjoyed the article. Remember, the decision to have breakup sex is yours. However, if you think back and consider all the above points, you'll probably realize there's no point in trying to use sex for closure or to revive a relationship. Feel free to drop a comment and share it with others.
As hopeless romantic I struggled tremendously in my love life. After many years of searching, trial & error, and countless failed relationships, I finally found my Mr. Right. It wasn't an easy road, but one that has taught me an incredible amount about the workings of relationships between men and women, and this is what I hope to share through my writing on this blog.