When people make promises, they give consent or come to the agreement to do all it takes to abide by the included terms regardless of the situation. It could be as basic as agreeing to empty the garbage or as important as remaining faithful to your spouse.
Now the truth is, when people break a promise, it affects the trust in that relationship.
It also takes a jab at the self-esteem or confidence of the party who has been betrayed. One thing is certain, you can’t count on people not to break promises. We all have weak points, and sometimes, couples find it hard to keep their word, especially when they never intended to in the first place.
Has your partner broken a promise he swore to keep? Has this become an issue in your relationship? It’s normal to stop and question almost everything when people break promises, and their words of honor turn to lies. Rather than make sporadic decisions, here are a few tips that should help you handle the situation.
- 1 9 Ways To Deal With Broken Promises In A Relationship
- 2 FAQs
- 3 The Bottom Line
9 Ways To Deal With Broken Promises In A Relationship
1. Evaluate the problem
Recovering from broken promises can be quite hard, especially when someone you love is involved. But before throwing tantrums or getting emotional, it’s crucial to sit back and ask important questions.
What kind of person would you call your partner? Is he one to lie or deceive you? Has he ever given you reasons to doubt his loyalty?
Also, how realistic was this broken promise? Sometimes, we expect our spouses to do something we asked them to without considering how reasonable the task is. If your significant other has complained or expressed a lot of concerns about the promise he made, then maybe this will require more patience and tact from your side.
2. Is this the first time it’s happening
Do you expect your partner to do anything you ask him to do? It’s important to address points like this in this article so the problem is tackled from the root. In marriage and life in general, there are things that people can do easily, and other things that are harder for others to do.
However, if this person has been trying his best so far, and only slipped up once, then it’s best to give him the benefit of doubt. On the flip side, if this guy does this all the time, then you need to address his attitude head-on. This leads us to the next point.
3. How important was the promise
Did he forget to book tickets for an important trip, refuse to fund an important project, or even worse, cheat on you?
You can’t punish your partner for everything he does wrong, some things deserve a hearty laugh, while other things are extreme enough to end the relationship.
Yes, I know, before you make a promise it’s important not to agree to it in self-deceit when you intend to do something else. But as his wife, it’s your duty to know where to draw the line.
If he does anything that puts the relationship in jeopardy, betrays your trust, or makes you feel broken and vulnerable, you have to take all that into consideration.
If you’re really hurt, it may be time to say goodbye to that relationship. A guy who manipulates you or makes important promises like fidelity, respect, support, or even secrecy trivial doesn’t deserve your love.
4. Don’t make excuses
When you make promises to your partner, do you break them? No? Then why would he do the opposite?
It’s safe to assume that the promises we are referring to here are important matters of the heart, or matters concerning finances, health, security, and the likes. So, people who break promises like this usually don’t deserve the benefit of the doubt.
If this guy has been in your life for a while, or maybe kids are involved, it’s easy to make excuses for a partner who has made breaking promises a habit. Don’t think about what people will say or how alone you’ll feel, address the matter immediately.
People shouldn’t feel like they have the power to change their minds at any point especially after you’ve had a working agreement with them.
5. Take some time to process the issue
People break promises sometimes without knowing how much they’ve hurt the other person. The only way to make them relate would be to have someone else do something similar to them. However, rather than thinking of revenge, take some time out to really think things through.
If you need help dealing with what happened, surround yourself with family or a close circle, or even consider seeing a professional. When people break promises, it could hurt so much that it affects your mental health. At some point, it’s possible to start blaming yourself for someone else’s wrongdoings.
So don’t sit down all day talking about what happened or looking for possible reasons why your partner would break his promises. If you really want to get to the bottom of the matter, tell him to give you space so you can think about what to do next.
6. Set out specific goals for the future
If you decide to let him off the hook this time, then make sure both of you talk about how to avoid such ‘betrayals’ in the future. The fact that he has apologized this time shouldn’t make you gullible.
Right now, it’s important to set ultimatums, give rules, and discuss certain consequences if the action reoccurs.
Let’s say he promised to stop smoking because of his health and yours, but you saw a pack of cigarettes in his backpack. You could draw the line by insisting he gets help or puts in more effort or he’d have to move out or stop coming around. Such ultimatums should make him understand how much the promise means to you.
7. Talk about it
There are basic promises couples make to one another like promising to be faithful, honest, loyal, trustworthy, and supportive. However, some promises may be a bit realistic, and in this case, hard to see through. Think about it? Did you ask him to do something that requires a lot of effort?
This may be the time to sit down and talk about it. Communicating your weaknesses, strengths, concerns, and worries is the only way to come out of this sane and not broken. You may not know how hard it was for him to keep a certain promise until he says it himself.
8. Remind him in the future
Relationships are all about helping one another out. So even when he forgets to do something, respectfully remind him about the promise he made. That way, he has it at the back of his mind and won’t be able to make excuses if he still breaks his promises.
9. Take a step back
Some people will never change, and that’s the sad truth. No matter how many articles they read or therapists they see, without the effort and will to change, they’ll keep going round in circles. As much as you love this person, it’s important to know when to step back when you’ve given them numerous chances to redeem themselves.
So if after you’ve done all the above, there’s no significant change for a while, and he keeps betraying your trust, it may be time to throw in the towel and call it quits.
Friends, loved ones, partners, and even business associates break their promises at times, it’s one annoying part of human relationships. You can choose to cut such ‘offenders off’ or give them a benefit of the doubt if the case isn’t too serious. Don’t let emotion and strong feelings of hurt cloud your judgment, especially when you know you have a problem keeping promises as well.
Promise-making in relationships is as important as keeping them. It’s not enough to use enticing words and responses to convince the other party of your commitment, back those words up with corresponding actions. If you need to write them down or get a memo, do so. Also, it helps to tell your partner to remind you about those duties in case you forget.
No one likes to be deceived or betrayed, that’s why when someone breaks a promise, the other party sees that action as a dagger to the heart. It affects the trust both partners have for each other and causes a strain on the relationship as well.
You can promise to be faithful, true to yourself, to listen and be appreciative, to respect and honor one another, and to keep being supportive and loving no matter what.
If you broke a promise made to friends or loved ones, it’s important to apologize to all parties involved. It’s not the time to come up with the perfect excuse, acknowledge your actions, let them express their feelings then ensure you try and make amends.
The Bottom Line
Many articles would suggest ignoring and cutting off people who have betrayed your trust. However, if you feel the person is genuinely sorry for breaking his promise, it’s important to be cautious while giving them another chance to prove their commitment. Were these tips helpful in any way? Please share it with others, and leave a comment below. Cheers!
As hopeless romantic I struggled tremendously in my love life. After many years of searching, trial & error, and countless failed relationships, I finally found my Mr. Right. It wasn't an easy road, but one that has taught me an incredible amount about the workings of relationships between men and women, and this is what I hope to share through my writing on this blog.