When your significant other moves away, it can be hard to cope with. Sometimes it can be sudden, which makes even harder to deal with. Many people have the mindset that long distance relationship never works – but thanks to today’s technology, relationships today and flourish and grow even when couples must be far apart.
Just because your boyfriend has moved or is moving away, it doesn’t mean you have to end it. Today I want to put young hearts to rest on the stigma of a long distance relationship and teach you what it takes to make the relationship work.
- 1 Long Distance Doesn’t Mean Doom
- 2 Important Things To Avoid When Your Boyfriend Moves Away
- 3 How To Survive The Distance?
- 4 Share Your Thoughts
Long Distance Doesn’t Mean Doom
Even with your boyfriend or girlfriend moving away, it doesn’t have to spell the end of your relationship. When someone you love is moving away, there are a lot of heavy feelings you both have to deal with before you can even begin to take the next step. Naturally, you’re going to grieve. It’s going to feel like a loss, and for a lot of people, it will be.
But that doesn’t mean you need to end it. If your relationship is solid, well-established, and healthy, then distance could be a good thing for you and your partner- if it’s not an unrealistic amount of time of course.
“The distance makes the heart grow fonder,” so the saying goes. As long as the correct steps are taken to keep that love and bond alive. Thankfully, social media, the internet, and smartphones have made the obstacle of distance an easy one to conquer. We are no longer bound by paper, pens, snail mail to send our love to our friends and families.
The advances in technology can make months apart seem easy. In fact, for many people, it’s usually being back together again when the problems start. When your boyfriend is far away for a long time, it’s easy to get used to being alone. So what does it take to have a happy long-distance relationship?
Important Things To Avoid When Your Boyfriend Moves Away
When someone is moving away, you might be tempted to let your feelings get in the way. Remember: it’s about how you handle your reactions to things you can’t control that define you. There are some things that you might be tempted to do so you deal with your grief. But in order to save your relationship and make it work long-distance, you need to avoid doing the following:
Don’t play the blame game.
Sometimes, moving can’t be helped or avoided. If your partner lives with his family, or if something changes with his job, there isn’t much one can do or say about the situation except try to make the best of it. For many people though when they get the news that their boyfriend is moving away, their initial reaction is to allow their pain to be turned into anger.
Blaming your boyfriend for moving away will only breed instant resentment between the two of you and not the kind that heals over time. In order to make the soon to be long-distance relationship work, you must stand together, even if you are angry that he is moving far away.
Remember this is new for both of you, and he might be struggling with it too. If it’s a situation where it can’t be helped, then it doesn’t matter how angry you get, he’s still going to have to move. Spend what time you have left together in good ways, make more memories before he goes.
Respect each other’s feelings.
It’s important to keep your partner’s feelings in mind when you are reacting to big news like a boyfriend moving away. He could be excited about the fresh start and the move. But that doesn’t mean he’s excited about leaving you. A fresh start and leaving you behind isn’t the same thing.
He might not be excited about it, but can’t do anything about the relocation. Sometimes life gets in the way, but it doesn’t mean to give up and lash out. Always respect your partner's feelings, and get all of the information before reacting.
Don’t make assumptions.
An automatic response when facing painful changes in a relationship is the urge to make assumptions. Making assumptions, jumping to conclusions, and allowing your mind to run wild will only hurt you in the long run. It’s important to get the details, before tormenting yourself with a load of negative thoughts and feelings.
Try to stay calm as you have the conversation, so you can get all of the information.
How To Survive The Distance?
He’s hit you with the bad news. And now you both don’t know what to do next. You don’t want to end it, but don’t know if you should.
I know it’s a terrible time emotionally for you. But there is good news. A boyfriend moving away doesn’t mean you’re single yet. Especially if you love each other and can establish plans to reunite in a reasonable amount of time for both of you.
The following tips are to help you know what the right next steps are for you and your soon-to-be far-off lover when one of you is moving away.
1. Have a conversation about your relationship status.
The first thing you want to do is have a serious talk about your relationship when you can avoid being overly emotional. We encourage having this conversation when you both are calm and ready to have a conversation where you both are able to be level headed and work together to figure things out.
Sometimes, a long-distance relationship is not the right answer, and that is something you guys need to figure out between you two. It’s going to come down to several questions. How established is your relationship? How much do you care about each other? Can you handle being apart from them without seeking the comforts of someone else?
If you guys talk it out and decide that you really want to make it work and you are that committed, then you guys are going to need to establish rules and boundaries. Some couples when they go long-distance agree to see other people and remain friends and try again if they ever happen to be in the same zip code again. Some people remain monogamous.
This conversation needs to be thorough, even if it is painful as this is going to determine your future with your boyfriend.
2. Establish a timeline.
Another thing you will need to know is about how long you guys will be apart. If you guys are going to be separated by an impossible timeline then it’s not really reasonable for you to continue the relationship. If it’s only temporary then the distance might not be so bad, and it could maybe even improve your relationship when you two are together again.
However, it is important to keep in mind the reality of the situation. A few months, a year, maybe even two years may not be so bad – but if you really don’t know when you are going to be able to see each other again, even for just a visit, things will be hard since you don’t have much to look forward to together as a couple. You need those goals to look forward to, even if they are just visits until something more permanent can be arranged.
3. Establish a good means of communication.
Keeping in good communication is vital for your relationship. Texting, phone calls, video chatting, are all going to be daily things. Even if your boyfriend had not moved away, you would still be texting and calling each other often. It’s the same thing, except now it’s crucial to be good at it, and good at keeping in touch since you no longer have face to face time together.
Be open and honest about your schedules, that way you know when is the best time to text or call, and that way no misunderstandings happen. A lot of time is going to be spent on the phone with each other. Just be sure not to neglect your surroundings either.
4. Make a plan.
Every long distance relationship needs a plan that somehow reconciles the distance. You two need to establish what needs to be done in order to be able to once again be near each other again permanently. Sometimes, when your boyfriend moves away it could just be for a job, and eventually, he will end up back home with time.
This is not true for everyone though, and sometimes the move is permanent for whatever reason. You and your boyfriend need to discuss how and when you will get to be together. Sometimes you will have to move to him, or he will come to you. Sometimes you guys may have to meet in between.
If you are serious about being together, then after you make a plan and establish what needs to be done – you guys will work together to execute it.
5. Focus on personal growth.
What a lot of people forget is that having a boyfriend or girlfriends is distracting. It keeps you from taking time to focus on yourself, your own goals, and personal development. Take the time while he is away to focus on yourself.
Sometimes its easier to grow personally as a person when your significant other is not right there distracting you all the time. Make his absence a positive thing, and use it to take care of you. Get a hobby, start a new career, go back to school, whatever it is that you want to do, you now have the time to do it.
6. Keep a realistic focus on where you are at emotionally in your relationship.
Don’t let it go too far. If you are beginning to develop resentments, or if the distance is keeping you from enjoying the time you do have together on the phone or in person, then it’s time to rehash out the relationship status talk with your boyfriend.
Some people are just not designed to handle long-distance relationships, and that is okay. You just have to figure out what is best for both of you. Keep it real, and don’t let the distance make you comfortable with letting unresolved issues go.
Do your best to stay honest, and if you feel it just isn’t working, then say so, and most importantly do not cheat on each other. Just end if it first.
Is the long distance bothering you? Have you ever had to move away from someone you’re close to? Have you tried moving for love? Have you ever had to move away from your boyfriend? Have you ever had to deal with someone you love moving away from you? Did you make it work or did you end it? Share your story with us in the comments, we love to hear from you. And don’t forget to share!
When it comes to relationships, I have seen them all. I have spent the better part of 10 years giving relationship counseling to people of all ages for their relationships. I specialize in helping repair failing relationships. I also counsel others on Abusive relationships. I was in an emotionally abusive relationship for 8 years, before breaking it off. After finding my own peace and healing I have spent a lot of time helping people with similar situations.