There’s almost nothing I remember more vividly than the day my boyfriend called me fat. It was thirteen years ago, and I still remember it like it was yesterday. I felt awful. I had never been called fat before. I was a size zero prior to getting pregnant with my son. It destroyed my confidence for a brief period.
On the other hand, it helped me learn a lot more about self-respect and my relationship.
It’s not just me, either. Women are constantly judged for their bodies and appearance. Society has a standard about how we are supposed to look while men get to let themselves go.
A friend of mine had her boyfriend say he was no longer attracted to her. I know someone else whose marriage was ruined due to weight gain. It’s ridiculous. It’s shameful that our society focuses on a number on the scale instead of something so much more important: love.
- 0.1 Things You Need To Know If Your Boyfriend Called You Fat
- 0.2 FAQs
- 0.3 In Summary
Things You Need To Know If Your Boyfriend Called You Fat
There are certain ways that you can deal with this. For example, this girl punched her now ex-boyfriend in the face. While violence isn’t always the answer, it’s worth noting that she did so for quite a few great reasons. There are other ways that you can deal with getting called fat, and there are a few things to keep in mind.
1. He’s being mean
Even if your boyfriend has a fair point, he doesn’t have to be malicious. Calling someone fat is mean. He can tell you that he’s noticed that you gained a few pounds and he’s concerned about your weight.
This happened with my son. He was out of town. They let him eat junk food every day for months. He gained five pants sizes in two months. I told him I was concerned about the rapid weight gain, and his health.
We didn’t focus on a number on the scale. I didn’t use the word fat. We focused on being healthy, and if there were still a few pounds left, that was fine. Men can do that too.
2. Think about whether he has a point
Even if he’s being mean, and obviously doesn’t deserve you, you should take a step back to consider whether you’re on an unhealthy path. I don’t think weight matters. I don’t even own a scale. Doctors call me obese even though I’m a size six now because of my BMI. I don’t diet. I know that I’m healthy.
That’s what you need to think about. Don’t wonder whether he’s right or if you’re unattractive. Avoid calculating how many pounds you’ve gained since you started dating. Do consider whether you’re healthy. If you are, and you’re confident that you are great job. If you’re working towards it, great job.
On the other hand, if you’re unhealthy and happy with it, that’s awesome too. Your opinion is what matters, but make sure that you’re happy with yourself and your choices.
3. Consider the type of boyfriend you have
If he’s being down on you about your weight, you deserve better. If you stay, you’re more likely to develop an eating disorder because his comments will make you feel bad. You deserve a relationship full of body positivity and someone that loves you for who you are.
Men that call you names are not available the way that you need them to be. It’s even worse if he justifies it. Then, you’re crossing a line into abuse. That’s why so many people will tell you to just leave before it gets worse. It usually does.
4. Remember that plenty of guys will want you
I hear about this all the time. Women are scared that men want girls that are skinny. Most girls are not skinny anyway. Almost my entire family is overweight. I can assure you that there are plenty of guys that will still want you. The ones that don’t are shallow jerks and are totally doing you a favor.
5. Name-calling is not okay
I don’t care if he’s angry when he says it. It doesn’t matter if you actually are overweight and he’s being honest. If he hurt your feelings, it’s not okay. If he’s making fun of you and doesn’t seem to care that you’re upset, it’s not okay. When your man is around you enough, he’s aware of your insecurities. You can tell by a person’s body language. By doing this, he’s crossed a line.
If your man is seemingly known for name-calling when he’s mad, it’s still not okay. The two of you need to have a conversation about this.
6. Don’t do it back
It can be tempting to start doing the same thing back. You’re hurt. It hurt when it happened to me. I wanted to let so many things roll off of my tongue to hurt him back. Then, I wanted to say it was the truth, just like he did with me.
I didn’t, though. I didn’t respond at all for a moment. Don’t let his abuse make you abusive. Instead, walk away if you have to. Then, have a talk about it when you’re ready.
7. Think carefully about how you respond
Before responding, think carefully about what you’re going to say. You can come back with something smart-aleck if you want. I think if a boyfriend says something out of concern that is a bit different than name-calling.
Likewise, if he says something out of anger it’s not okay, but it doesn’t instantly equate to dumping him either. You know yourself and your relationship better than anyone else. You need to do what is right for you in that situation.
You can tell him politely, or impolitely to shut up. Explain that it hurts your feelings. Use examples to help him empathize if you can. For example, ask him how he would feel if you made a comment about his (insert one of his insecurities here.)
Not always. If he is worried about your health or that you have a disorder like anorexia, it’s great that he thinks about your health. However, if he is only thinking about your appearance, that can be a bad thing. You need to consider if you still want to be with him.
He makes comments about what you eat or wear. He’s embarrassed to be seen with you in public. Your man has flat-out called you fat. Perhaps he talks about you losing weight or being healthier. Your sex life has taken a downturn. Keep in mind, these are all if it bothers him. He might love your curves!
Tell him thank you. Respond with a compliment of your own, such as telling him how handsome he is. Smile. Accept the compliment instead of rejecting it and saying that you’re not beautiful. You are, both inside and out.
The best response is to brush it off the best you can. If you can’t ask them why that’s so important to them. Tell them that’s what happens when you have a fast metabolism. Explain why you’re skinny if there’s a medical reason, such as chemo, behind it. They’ll learn quickly to stop making comments.
If your man called you fat, you need to evaluate your partnership. Then, decide if you want to stay and how to respond. What else would you add to the list?
As hopeless romantic I struggled tremendously in my love life. After many years of searching, trial & error, and countless failed relationships, I finally found my Mr. Right. It wasn't an easy road, but one that has taught me an incredible amount about the workings of relationships between men and women, and this is what I hope to share through my writing on this blog.