Do you have healthy boundaries in dating? Wonder what that actually means? Basic healthy boundaries happen when people accept responsibility for their own actions and feelings while not taking responsibility for the actions and feelings of others.
One person may have poor boundaries if they take on too much responsibility for the actions and feelings of another person; another person may have poor boundaries if they expect their partner to take on too much responsibility for their actions and feelings.
It’s very important to have healthy boundaries when dating because it can really affect your self-esteem. If you lack proper boundaries, you may have low self-esteem. You crave a certain level of love and acceptance that you believe you cannot find without acting in a specific way.
Today, we will discuss how to set boundaries in relationships so you know exactly what to do when dating a woman or man. For example, you may want to talk about the times when you think the relationship is moving too fast or not fast enough. Other problems can ensue if you do not address these issues at some point with the person you are dating.
- 1 How To Set Boundaries In Relationships
- 1.1 1. Talk about conflict resolution
- 1.2 2. Spell out what consequences mean to you
- 1.3 3. Discuss personal space
- 1.4 4. Communicate the amount of alone time you need
- 1.5 5. Explain communication to your partner
- 1.6 6. Talk about the importance of honesty
- 1.7 7. Get on the same page regarding sex
- 1.8 8. Work out your expectations in regards to exclusivity
- 1.9 9. Make sure your partner understands your need for emotional distance
- 2 FAQs
- 3 In Conclusion
How To Set Boundaries In Relationships
1. Talk about conflict resolution
Discuss what you need during and after conflicts. You may want to explain that when there are problems in relationships, you like to have time to process your feelings. You can explain that you have self-control issues if you do not get this time. Also, you can tell your partner what happens when your self-control issues are not managed properly.
Hopefully, he or she will want to work with you on this point, so you do not lose control around him or her. If you know what your triggers are based on your experiences in past relationships, you should let your partner know exactly what they are – before you have a fight! It’s really hard to explain these things once you are in an argument!
2. Spell out what consequences mean to you
You can easily tell the person you are dating what consequences mean to you. Talk about what you will do if certain events or actions take place. Explain what you will do if he or she does a certain thing. For example, you might say that if you are lied to, you will shut down emotionally for a long period of time, if that is applicable to you.
Of course, you should tailor this advice to your particular needs. What sets you off? How do you know you will behave if certain events transpire? What actions will you take if your partner decides to disrespect you? Let him or her know in advance the actions you plan to take while you are dating. Do this before the actions or events happen.
3. Discuss personal space
How much personal space do you need? Do you love cuddling when in relationships? Do you find it hard to stay apart from the person you are with when you are dating someone?
What are your expectations when it comes to personal space, and what do you think about your partner’s expectations in this area? What boundaries do you need to communicate to him or her to make sure they understand your needs?
Talk through all these questions to make sure you are on the same page when it comes to personal space. It’s really hard to be with someone who doesn't communicate their needs in an understandable, clear way.
4. Communicate the amount of alone time you need
Some people require a lot of alone time, while others are content spending every free moment with the partner they are in a relationship with. How much alone time are you used to? What do you expect now that you are in a relationship? Do you think the two of you should spend every second with one another? What does your partner think?
I once dated a guy who liked to have his alone time. I’m not that type of girl. I enjoy spending time with my love. I want to share everything. I probably go overboard on this issue, and that’s my fault. However, when I was going out with this guy, I felt like he didn’t value me very much since he needed so much alone time! Not true!
Really, he was just a guy who wanted his space. He liked reading and watching his favorite sports by himself. Plus, he didn’t enjoy it when I slept over because he wasn’t used to sharing his bed with anyone. He wasn’t a cuddler. Nevertheless, it didn’t work out because we were just too different in this area. Find the right match out there!
5. Explain communication to your partner
How do you communicate best? Do you enjoy debates or arguments, or do you prefer to be with a person who is very agreeable? What method of communication is your favorite? Talk about all of these things with your partner to make sure he or she understands the best way to reach you.
6. Talk about the importance of honesty
Most people value honesty above most other things in a relationship. However, sometimes little white lies are acceptable. For example, if your partner has planned a big surprise birthday party for you with all of your friends and family, it’s probably okay that he doesn’t clue you in on the details of the party beforehand. Talk about honesty!
7. Get on the same page regarding sex
How soon is too soon to have sexual intercourse? Do you enjoy PDA, or do you find it unacceptable and embarrassing? When do you want to have sex? How often do you expect the two of you to have sex? These are all great questions to go over with your partner. It’s good to have an agreement on these things, even if it changes later on.
8. Work out your expectations in regards to exclusivity
Exclusive relationships are monogamous. You do not see other people. What are your boundaries in this area? Do you want to date other people? Is your partner dating others? How does that make you feel? Be honest with your partner in regards to this issue; you really should be on the same page here.
9. Make sure your partner understands your need for emotional distance
Not all people react to situations in the same way. In fact, most of us are different, and it takes a long time to get to know another person. If you have just started dating someone, you probably feel like you know them pretty well, but it’s still a new relationship, right? You are probably looking forward to getting to know them better.
When there is discord in the relationship, how much emotional distance do you need? Be sure to discuss this issue with your partner before a fight or problem arises. When will you be emotionally distant? What causes you to withdraw when you are with someone? Don’t you think your partner deserves this information?
Be sure to be open and honest with all of your boundaries with your partner, so he or she can decide their stance on issues, as well. Hopefully, if you communicate with your partner regarding your issues, they will find it acceptable to tell you their point of view on the subject, as well. Make sure you listen carefully when they do share their stances.
Healthy boundaries come when you have reasonable expectations. You should not expect your partner to accommodate your every need 100% of the time. They cannot wait on you like a servant day and night, 24 hours a day, seven days a week. That is unreasonable and unfair!
Accept that you may hurt his feelings from time to time, but that is normal. You cannot control the way another person feels, and you should not try to. Instead, support each other as you attempt to grow in life and have a healthy amount of self-esteem.
If you think you can fix your partner, you may be crossing boundaries in your relationship. You believe you can save them, spare their feelings, and receive the love and acceptance you’ve always wanted by fixing your partner’s problems because you’ll get an appreciation for what you’ve done.
If someone blames their partner for their own feelings and actions, they believe that putting the responsibility on their partner will give them the love and acceptance they’ve always dreamed of. Basically, they are acting like a victim because they know someone will come to save them eventually.
You should expect healthy boundaries in dating. Your dating partner should not disrespect you in your relationship. If you get bossed around, your partner may have issues of control. As you pursue this man, make sure you set boundaries. That will lead to healthy dating life.
Are you in a healthy dating relationship? What boundaries in dating do you believe in? An unhealthy relationship that will lead to unhappiness often has an unhealthy boundary. Pursue a healthy dating relationship! Where are you in the dating process? Which boundaries in dating do you follow? Please comment below!
As hopeless romantic I struggled tremendously in my love life. After many years of searching, trial & error, and countless failed relationships, I finally found my Mr. Right. It wasn't an easy road, but one that has taught me an incredible amount about the workings of relationships between men and women, and this is what I hope to share through my writing on this blog.