Am I Coming On Too Strong? (13 Signs You Could Be Coming On Too Strong)

Having a guy you like ask you out is one of the best things that could happen to you. If you’re the bold type and you ask him out, you’d feel even more fulfilled when he says yes. However, is it necessary you put a brake on your giddy feelings to avoid coming on too strong? Or, should you turn your full-on charm on him to express how much you are interested in him?

The former would be the best approach because you don’t want to chase him away by appearing desperate for affection. Most guys cherish their personal space so much, especially in a new relationship. They aren’t thinking far ahead into the future because they want to enjoy and live in the moment with you. 

If you are not on the same page with their idea of fun, they won’t find you cool at all. Nothing sends a guy running faster than the idea that you want to tie him down before he is ready. Does it seem like your crush has been avoiding you, or you aren’t sure of the things you’ve been doing to chase him away? Read on to know the signs that you’ve been coming on too strong with him.

13 Signs You Could Be Coming On Too Strong

1. You’re always eager to invite him to hang out

There is something sexy about a woman confident enough to go after what (or who) she wants. For some reason, even alpha men like women with the courage to ask them out. However, how you ask him out matters if you don’t want him to easily lose interest in you. 

You cannot keep acting like your world revolves around him, and expect him not to withdraw. When a man you just started seeing assumes you’re desperate to be with him, he will make excuses not to show up for a few dates. 

Even if he likes you enough, he wouldn’t want to feel like the one being pursued. Most men love to do the chasing; you acting like the lead in the relationship might be a turn-off for your crush. Play the lead role you’ve assumed in a cool way and he won’t suspect he’s been led.

2. You talk too much about yourself

Another thing most guys find bothersome is their date yapping about things that don’t concern them. He isn’t interested in the brand of handkerchief you use or the shower gel that almost destroyed your skin. While it is understandable that you’re nervous and want to keep the conversation going, don’t use silly gap-fillers. 

Prepare interesting questions to ask him ahead, and stick to them. As things progress naturally, you can then talk about random things. The important thing is that you let him get in a few words too. Create a balance between the back and forth communication. 

Let him ask questions and open the floor for a new topic. No sensible guy would pass up the opportunity to go out again with an interesting woman. He knows the next date would be anything but boring.

3. Your follow-up game is too strong

It looks like you come on too strong when you text or call him too much after a date. Communicating with your date not long after the date isn’t bad, but doing so in excess is a bit disturbing. How would you feel if a guy you’re still trying to know calls or texts you multiple times in a day? 

It isn’t only women who feel irritated when a guy they don’t know well calls them incessantly. Most men would still rather do the follow-up first, even though the concept of gender equality has punctured that stereotype. Therefore, even if you take the initiative to follow up after the last date, you should do so in a cool manner.

For example, instead of calling him to ask if he enjoyed the date, let him know how much you enjoyed it. That way, you’ll feed his ego positively even if he didn’t have fun during the last date.

4. Your communication style lacks finesse

What kind of tone do you use when talking to or texting your crush? Do you sound cliché or too eager to have his attention? While many people might say there is nothing bad about showing someone exactly how you feel, the prospect can scare your crush away. If he isn’t ready to commit himself to you in any way, it will be unwise to lay all your cards on the table.

How you word your feelings in texts matters too, even though he cannot see you. You should indicate interest without sounding like you don’t have any other thing to do. Let him know how much you like him while making it obvious that you have other people you also care about.

It might sound like you’re playing games, but it can be necessary to do so especially if you’re already falling for him.

5. You are too sensitive to his actions

When your feelings for your crush become intense, it is better to pull back a bit. It will look like you’re coming on too strong when you start thinking you’re his priority. Until both of you talk about taking the relationship to the next level of commitment, don’t take his actions to heart. Take everything he says and does with a pinch of salt, or else you’ll feel hurt.

He hasn’t pledged any commitment to you, so you shouldn’t expect that he would put your feelings first. While still getting to know each other don’t get mad at him for not picking your call on the first ring. 

Don’t give him an attitude because his reply took hours. If he likes you, he will eventually adjust his actions towards you.

6. You imply too soon that you want a serious relationship

you imply too soon that you want a serious relationship

Most men consider it a red flag when a woman introduces the relationship talk first. If he wants to take things slow and you try to move things forward too fast, he might panic. The fact that you feel insecure about the direction of the relationship doesn’t mean you should act desperately. 

Forcing his hand will only make him act oppositely. Men want to act when they are well and truly ready. Anything faster, and you’ll see them running in the opposite direction of commitment. 

Unless he has given you reasons to think he’s interested in a long-term relationship, don’t broach the relationship talk. 

Even when you decide to talk about what’s next, do so in a subtle manner. There’s no rush if both of you are still young or just building your careers. You don’t want to enter a serious relationship that you’ll end up resenting. You want a healthy relationship where your career goals complement your relationship goals.

7. You talk to him about serious plans

The same way you shouldn’t rush your crush into committing himself to a serious relationship is the same way you should avoid telling him your future plans. If you’ve only attended a few dates he wouldn’t feel comfortable listening to you talk about the kind of wedding you want. 

He certainly wouldn’t want to know the names you’ve picked out for your future kids. Except he asks you such questions humorously, you wouldn’t take him seriously either. So why freak him out with future plans he might not want to have with you. 

Also, you come on too strong when you share secrets with him. He’s practically a stranger who might use your secrets against you if things don’t work out. Do you want to risk destroying your plans by divulging your secrets to a near-stranger?

8. You try to become friends with his friends

If your crush likes you, he will ask you out officially to be his girlfriend. Until then, you have no business trying to be friends with his friends. Unless you knew them before meeting him, you should only spend time with his friends when he is around. 

A guy could easily get nervous that you’re trying to get information about him from his friends. 

If he isn’t that into you, he wouldn’t want his friends to reveal things about him to you. As such, you need to let the relationship progress naturally till it’s okay to hang out with his friends without him.

9. You suck up to his family members

It is easier to meet a guy’s friends than it is to meet his family. Many people think it’s a big deal meeting the parents. Even if it’s not that big of a deal, when your crush/boyfriend finally introduces you to his parents and siblings, don’t try to suck up to them.

It is even more wrong to set up an accidental meeting with any of his family members when he hasn’t introduced you to them. The situation might backfire because his family might not influence his decision to be with you. If he is as crazy about you as you care for him, he will have you meet his family in due time.

10. You ask too many questions about his last relationship

You make him feel uncomfortable when you try to force him into giving information he’s not ready to part with. You might be okay with talking about what went wrong in your past, but he might not be.

Talking about each other’s ex might be counterproductive for him even if you find it therapeutic. As such, before you continue pestering him with questions about his ex, consider how he might feel. If he has given you the gist of the situation, don’t press him for more. If he’s willing to share more, he will do so with no pressure from you.

11. You appear everywhere he is

Your crush might consider running into you twice a coincidence but won't think so after multiple encounters. If you keep popping up in the same places with him, he’ll think you’re keeping tabs on him. If you didn’t belong to the same social or professional circle before, don’t try too hard to make yourself fit into it.

He will be more willing to spend time with you when you give him personal space. Stop snooping around to know his schedule and being up in his face all the time.

12. You stalk him on social media

you stalk him on social media

As a woman, you find it flattering when a guy likes many of your pictures. However, it becomes stalkerish when he reacts to all your pictures. Why would you think it’s not nice of a guy to do that to you, but you can do the same to him? 

There are other ways to let him know you’re falling for him. Going down his social media timeline and liking his first post from years ago won’t score you the point you want. You can stalk him all you want on social media without leaving traces. You can use his platforms as a research channel to know more about him, but don’t leave too many traces.

13. You’re using too many sexual innuendos

When you start dating a guy, he expects that you’ll both have harmless fun and get to know each other. He most likely thinks he’ll get close enough to have sexual intimacy with you. However, if he isn’t the hookup kind of guy, it will be unwise to use sexual innuendos with him. 

Even if he doesn’t mind having sex with you soon, you should be ready for the possibility that he’ll lose interest after the sex. Therefore, don’t send him inappropriate body language if you want him to treat you with respect. Unless you just want casual sex with him, express your attraction in a classy way. 

FAQs

How do I stop coming on too strong?

Limit the number of times you call or text him in a day. Even wives don’t call their husbands ten times in a day unless their kid is sick.

What is considered coming on too strong?

Letting yourself into his house just because you know where he keeps his keys. If he didn’t invite you over, you have no business going into his home.

How do you show interest without coming on too strong?

Flirt harmlessly without being too blatant. Don’t invite him into your house until you’ve gone on several dates with him. Gracefully accept his rejection of a couple of dates without bearing any grudge.

Can a guy come on too strong?

A guy can come on too strong by insisting on knowing your house when you aren’t ready to invite him home. He can come on too strong when he feels he has a deciding right over a girl he just met.

What is coming on too strong to a girl?

A girl doesn’t like it when a guy thinks she will have sex with him just because he feels it’s time for that level of intimacy. 

In Summary 

A single sign is not enough to conclude you’re coming on too strong with a guy. However, if you observe yourself doing more of these signs, you should consider adjusting to avoid losing the man before you have him.

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